Knock, knock, knocking on our door

       One of the more interesting questions about Jesus is when he knew. Like so many theologians pondering how many dancing angels can fit on the head of a pin, so I have wondered when Jesus had a full awareness that he was the Son of God. Jesus as a human lived and learned as we did. He took on the mantle of humanity in full. I wonder if he knew all there is to know ( omniscience ) when he was just a kid, then adolescent and on into childhood. I'd argue for a slow revelation since that is how we as humans live. We live, learn, mature.  So when I read this passage and perhaps He himself is trying to dope out his role and who He really is, there might just be a feeling of fear? Awe? Humbling power? at the words from Peter when he said that Jesus was 'The Messiah of God'. Shhhhh! 'Don't say that' I could imagine Jesus almost saying. Or perhaps, 'Yikes', really?

           I often say that when God wants you to do something She will tap you on the shoulder. If you don't respond or ignore the 'invitation', She will come back with a 2x4 or baseball bat and remind you in a much less subtle way.

            I am thankful that this scenario is becoming much less prevalent but sadly I can even think of Mayor Pete who found it difficult to accept and  didn't 'came out'  until a bit later in his life. I myself was 50 years old when I finally succumbed to the baseball bat of God. The signs were all there, the hints, the attributes etc. I was in denial for a host of reasons, all worldly concerns, kids, marriage, position in life, commitments earnestly made and honored. The truth is though that God wants you to be whom you were envisioned and created to be. There is no greater power or calling on Earth than God's call to be fully human, fully alive, fully engaged in God's mission of love.

          It may be a troubling thing when you come to realize something about yourself or about the world and the calling you have received to do something about it. Many of us shy away from what we are supposed to do.  Societal pressures and  practicalities play a role in our denial of self, roles we are to play and people we are called to be. God will hear none of it. Empathy, patience perhaps, but God wants us to be whom He created us to be in full.

         I am painfully aware of the scenario in human endeavors when each decision seems terrorizing. As a married man with children, as a clergyman of an ultra conservative church and tenured member of an elite university, ( OK, it's Stony Brook ), how could I come to terms and acknowledging that I am gay? As God continued to knock, every path seemed fraught with insurmountable problems. After prayer, therapy, lots of therapy, and a host of supportive family and new friends, I was able to confess one of God's plans for me that went back to the time I was conceived in Her mind. That is, I am a gay man.  It had scared me perhaps as much as if someone had said that I was the Messiah.  The completion of my life journey seems far less fraught with danger now but my job is clear - I accept it - to be the best gay man I can be. To live a life of love God made me for.

         Accepting God's plan isn't always easy, convenient or may seem horribly impossible. Nothing is impossible with God, absolutely nothing.

       For answering the call and reliance on God, we give thanks and pray.

Luke 9:18-27

Once when Jesus was praying alone, with only the disciples near him, he asked them, ‘Who do the crowds say that I am?’ They answered, ‘John the Baptist; but others, Elijah; and still others, that one of the ancient prophets has arisen.’ He said to them, ‘But who do you say that I am?’ Peter answered, ‘The Messiah of God.’

He sternly ordered and commanded them not to tell anyone, saying, ‘The Son of Man must undergo great suffering, and be rejected by the elders, chief priests, and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised.’

Then he said to them all, ‘If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it. What does it profit them if they gain the whole world, but lose or forfeit themselves? Those who are ashamed of me and of my words, of them the Son of Man will be ashamed when he comes in his glory and the glory of the Father and of the holy angels. But truly I tell you, there are some standing here who will not taste death before they see the kingdom of God.’