Lessons on marriage

Genesis 24:34-38, 42-49, 58-67 and Song of Solomon 2:8-13

         A man I know posted on FaceBook a litany of things about himself. Music, movies, art, books he likes, sports etc. One other thing that he noted was 'turn-ons'. While this could be things that simply raise his energy level and get him motivated, it is often equated with what gets a person emotionally or sexually excited. In my mind it is part of the essence of our humanity. God created us as sexual beings and God spoke to to us about the truth in Genesis that 'it is not good for man to be alone'. While sex is an intimate part of the fabric of my marriage, it does not speak well to the essence or totality of my marriage.  I think about this and sex as a singular preoccupation when I hear people speak about marriage equality. More precisely, I think about the people who rail against marriage equality and, from whatever paradigm they are using, think that marriage equality will lead to people marrying their cars, their toasters and their pet gerbils.

         In today's passage we get two glimpses of love and marriage from Hebrew scripture. The traditional biblical representation of marriage is represented by Abraham sending his servant to find a wife for his son. Note, the son does not go out and look, it is the servant who seeks out the wife for the son. It seems like an odd arrangement to us in modern times. And while God's hand is placed into the equation by the Rebekah responding in an expected way (as if it was a clandestine spy meeting with cryptic programmed responses), it is none the less more of a business transaction and that has very little if anything to do with love. It actually has to do more with human need and desire for Abraham's son.

        Another representation is in that of the Song of Solomon. This is the stuff of Hallmark cards. It has to do with true love and attraction. This is the stuff of modern marriage. We find our own soul mates and hopefully we see God's hand in that too, just usually not by some cryptic verbal response. Love, passion and sex are all very intimate, personal things. It is so in what might be viewed as the straight world as much as it is in the so called gay world.

         While marriage certainly includes sexual intimacy ( one hopes ), it so much more than that in any marriage. More than anything it is not a business transaction and should not be. That unfortunately is the basis for a traditional biblical marriage. Today it is based on love, choice, mutual respect, commitment and intimacy. The type of intimacy does not define the marriage. So when we see the love story in Hebrew scripture of Ruth and Naomi, it has little to do with sex and all to do with love, commitment and sharing a life together.  Eve in the story of Jonathan and David, another Hebrew love story, the initial falling in love is merely a precursor to a commitment that actually transcended life.

         I am reminded of a old joke where two old folks are rocking in their chairs on the porch. Their hands gradually meet and one says, wanna 'go all the way'? The other responds, honey, at my age, hold ing hands is all the way.  As varied as our sexual appetites or lack their off is also the variety of marriages. Sex does not define the marriage so much as the love, choice, commitment and mutual respect. That speaks to God's love, our desire not to be alone and emulates and expresses the love Jesus called us to live.

So he said, "I am Abraham's servant.

The LORD has greatly blessed my master, and he has become wealthy; he has given him flocks and herds, silver and gold, male and female slaves, camels and donkeys.

And Sarah my master's wife bore a son to my master when she was old; and he has given him all that he has.

My master made me swear, saying, 'You shall not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, in whose land I live;

but you shall go to my father's house, to my kindred, and get a wife for my son.'

"I came today to the spring, and said, 'O LORD, the God of my master Abraham, if now you will only make successful the way I am going!

I am standing here by the spring of water; let the young woman who comes out to draw, to whom I shall say, "Please give me a little water from your jar to drink,"

and who will say to me, "Drink, and I will draw for your camels also" --let her be the woman whom the LORD has appointed for my master's son.'

"Before I had finished speaking in my heart, there was Rebekah coming out with her water jar on her shoulder; and she went down to the spring, and drew. I said to her, 'Please let me drink.'

She quickly let down her jar from her shoulder, and said, 'Drink, and I will also water your camels.' So I drank, and she also watered the camels.

Then I asked her, 'Whose daughter are you?' She said, 'The daughter of Bethuel, Nahor's son, whom Milcah bore to him.' So I put the ring on her nose, and the bracelets on her arms.

Then I bowed my head and worshiped the LORD, and blessed the LORD, the God of my master Abraham, who had led me by the right way to obtain the daughter of my master's kinsman for his son.

Now then, if you will deal loyally and truly with my master, tell me; and if not, tell me, so that I may turn either to the right hand or to the left."

And they called Rebekah, and said to her, "Will you go with this man?" She said, "I will."

So they sent away their sister Rebekah and her nurse along with Abraham's servant and his men.

And they blessed Rebekah and said to her, "May you, our sister, become thousands of myriads; may your offspring gain possession of the gates of their foes."

Then Rebekah and her maids rose up, mounted the camels, and followed the man; thus the servant took Rebekah, and went his way.

Now Isaac had come from Beer-lahai-roi, and was settled in the Negeb.

Isaac went out in the evening to walk in the field; and looking up, he saw camels coming.

And Rebekah looked up, and when she saw Isaac, she slipped quickly from the camel,

and said to the servant, "Who is the man over there, walking in the field to meet us?" The servant said, "It is my master." So she took her veil and covered herself.

And the servant told Isaac all the things that he had done.

Song of Solomon 2:8-13

The voice of my beloved! Look, he comes, leaping upon the mountains, bounding over the hills.

My beloved is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look, there he stands behind our wall, gazing in at the windows, looking through the lattice.

My beloved speaks and says to me: "Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away;

for now the winter is past, the rain is over and gone.

The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land.

The fig tree puts forth its figs, and the vines are in blossom; they give forth fragrance. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.