If there was no resurrection....

Psalm 95

         Today is somewhat what I expect Limbo was thought of. What if there was no Resurrection? I mean today is an odd day. The disciples today were in confusion and dismay. They really didn't get it yet. Putting the pieces together didn't really come until sometime later, like in Emmaus and the upper room. Today would be the day after Jesus died. Jesus was the Messiah? wasn't he? How could he be gone? WTF? How could this be?

          It is from the love and generosity of God that the Word came to life as a human. To put a giant exclamation point on that love, Jesus rose from the dead with a promise of new life for each and every one of us. But like I say, the disciples did not realize that - yet. They were told it, taught it and studied it but they really were disillusioned and upset on this Holy Saturday. What can we derive from this as Christians and as gay men and women?

          Certainly we are part and parcel of the gift of the Resurrection but today, the day before we celebrate with joy, what message can we glean?

          There certainly has been an air of repentance in the air during Lent and being the best and most God made us to be. I would say to be the best human, the best gay person, the best artist, the best house cleaner, the best doctor or the best of whatever God had brought you to be and can be. In that process we make mistakes and fumble and take one step back sometimes after taking two steps forward. What are we to do?

         One of the things I have come to realize in life is how much we are graced with in life and how much we are asked to be stewards of. That can be both things and especially people.  There are no guarantees about it though. What we live and love must be appreciated in the moment. Even with mistakes in life, we must appreciate them as part of our journey and what makes each of us who we are. I am gathering that the disciples must have at that kind of feeling on this Holy Saturday. Not realizing the joy and the gift that was about to fall onto them on Sunday they were possessed to appreciate what they had experienced while Jesus was with them. They had to put some pieces of the puzzle together for themselves. What was it like to be in Jesus's presence while he walked with them? What messages did he convey to the disciples and to us as he lived? Figuratively? Literally? Could they and can we appreciate the incredible message of Jesus' life without resurrection? There is so much there. Jesus' whole life was a lesson in itself. The Resurrection which had not come yet is the grand topper, the most incredible gift ever given to mankind.

        Can we appreciate who we are, where we have been, warts and all? Can we appreciate those who have graced our lives? Can we appreciate a fleeting encounter with someone who may have taught us a bit more about love, compassion or giving of self without expectation of getting something back? 

         As a gay man dating I fully enjoyed meeting new people, varied people, good people. I had my own little bag of tricks that I used to meet decent people - or at least increase the odds I'd meet only decent people. By and large I met great people. Even if I knew it was a no hitter as far a relationship went, I appreciated who they are and I was richer for it. I met some genuinely nice people even if I realized they were not going to be my soul mate. 

       As a married man, long ago, I could say what a wasted time but that would patently false. There were so many graced, Sacramental moments.  I harbour no guilt and I harbour no ill feelings. What I know is that it was all graced and all part and parcel of who I am now.

        Last week found me in the mountains of Nevada hiking to a place called MaryJane falls. The drive to and the long hike to the falls was breathtaking. The vistas afforded us as we hiked were incredible. The effort and skill required to hike the gravelly switchbacks was awesome.  As it turned out, MaryJane falls turned out to be a mere trickle. It seemed almost laughable. But the message and the gift was this: It's all about the journey. 

       That truth, that appreciation of the journey is crucial, is part of what the disciples were faced with today before the Resurrection. Can we muster that same sense of awe and appreciation in our own lives? This limbo kind of day would seem an excellent time to ponder those thoughts. Take stock of your life and how you got where you are. Remember God's love through it all.

O come, let us sing to the Lord;
   let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation!
Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;
   let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!
For the Lord is a great God,
   and a great King above all gods.
In his hand are the depths of the earth;
   the heights of the mountains are his also.
The sea is his, for he made it,
   and the dry land, which his hands have formed. 

O come, let us worship and bow down,
   let us kneel before the Lord, our Maker!
For he is our God,
   and we are the people of his pasture,
   and the sheep of his hand. 

O that today you would listen to his voice!
Do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah,
   as on the day at Massah in the wilderness,
when your ancestors tested me,
   and put me to the proof, though they had seen my work.
For forty years I loathed that generation
   and said, ‘They are a people whose hearts go astray,
   and they do not regard my ways.’
Therefore in my anger I swore,
   ‘They shall not enter my rest.’