Divining rods

Matthew 17:14-21

             Many years ago, I wanted a new van. Not a panel van that has a bumper sticker that reads "if this vans a rock'n, don't come a knock'n".  No this was a luxurious van with every amenity and all wheel drive. It was a beauty and I paid dearly for it. The payments were huge and in the end I could barely afford the gas to run the van. How stupid. Yet, I had convinced myself of what a great idea it was. I could do so many good deeds with it. I was convinced.

                I wonder if faith isn't a bit like that. I can be so intent and convinced how spiritual I am. I know I am gifted, graced and blessed but do I truly have faith? If I had the faith that I think I do, many many people would be saved from suffering, emotional ills, disease and death. I am not able to cure  anything. I am not saying I am faithless, just perhaps not as much as I have convinced myself. Is it that much different from how I convinced myself that buying an expensive van was absolutely the correct thing to do?

               What would really be good would be a divining rod of sorts. One that can separate good ideas and faith from our own personal agenda, our own worldliness and our own errant thoughts. If the Catholic church can convince itself that so many of their rubrics are from God (more often they are not), why can't I be guilty of the same sin? Why not you?  That divining rod sure would be handy to weed out purity of heart from worldliness. It would be great to be able to discern what our selfish wants are compared to what God wants. Tough questions for sure. I am certain I have inserted my own sometimes selfish agenda into my prayers and decision making. Discerning is key. Discerning is not something that clicks on like the person who sees a "sign" that this or that is "God's will".

          I wish I could say I have some sage advice here for you and myself but alas all I can offer is the suggestion to pray hard, look inward and upward.


         

When they came to the crowd, a man came to him, knelt before him, and said, ‘Lord, have mercy on my son, for he is an epileptic and he suffers terribly; he often falls into the fire and often into the water. And I brought him to your disciples, but they could not cure him.’ Jesus answered, ‘You faithless and perverse generation, how much longer must I be with you? How much longer must I put up with you? Bring him here to me.’ And Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of him, and the boy was cured instantly. Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, ‘Why could we not cast it out?’ He said to them, ‘Because of your little faith. For truly I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, “Move from here to there”, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.’