Happy Anniversary

THOMAS A KEMPIS

         Today the Episcopal church remembers Thomas A Kempis. Perhaps it is somewhat fitting that today I celebrate the 365th day of writing this blog. While I dutifully get up early each morning for prayer and writing, I also check and record "the count", the number of visits my blog gets.  I get giddy as the number increased all year long knowing full well it will never be Huffington Post.  Somehow I have derived some small amount of pride in the numbers.

          Further, I delight in the locations that Google says my 'hits' are coming from. All over our planet, France, Belgium, Portugal, Brazil, Indonesia, Russia, Kazakhstan and countless others. The biggest number of hits are from the USA followed by Russia. I have no idea if the hits are hackers or some individual in a lonely distant place looking for some self respect and acceptance of how different they are from the majority of people around them. The only responses I have ever gotten really are from my devoted husband. No kudos, empathy or even anger from strangers.

         But what am I doing this for ? Certainly it is a venue for me to express my spirituality, my calling that was summarily dismissed once I announced I was gay and leaving my wife.  What am I really writing for? Is it for the number of hits?  If I can be so bold as to compare myself in some small way to Thomas ( A Kempis), I am doing this entirely with a joyful and grateful heart. I have received so much and have done so little. Everything I have received is gifted from God to a servant who offers complete love and utter imperfection.

         If in the midst of all the hits from every corner of the globe, I reach one soul who is troubled and feels unloved, this will all be worth it. I pray for the strength to continue to write. I pray for an open heart and openness to His word.

          I will still look at 'my hits' and the locations but I am most of all thankful for the ability to write and I will still say to myself, happy 365 to the beloved gay disciple.

When God bestows Spiritual comfort, receive it with a grateful heart; but remember that it comes of God's free gift, and not of your own merit. Do not be proud, nor over joyful, nor foolishly presumptuous; rather, be the more humble for this gift, more cautious, and more prudent in all your doings, for this hour will pass, and temptation will follow it. When comfort is withdrawn, do not immediately  despair, but humbly and patiently await the will of Heaven; for God is able to restore you to a consolation even richer than before. This is nothing new or strange to those who know the ways of God, for the great Saints and Prophets of old often experienced these changes. ...Indeed, the temptation that precedes is often a sign of comfort to follow. For heavenly comfort is promised to those who have been tried and tempted."To him who overcomes," says God, "I will give to eat of the Tree of Life."