A shrub by water

Jeremiah 17:5-10

            I have been truly blessed. I know I say that a great deal. I have a wonderful husband, great children, soon grandchildren, the best cat known to man, a beautiful home to live and love in.

Yet that is not to say that life has always been easy. Far from it. Coming out was seismic.  One of the things that I believe helped me was my faith and my spiritual training.  For all that I had accomplished, 'toys' I had gathered, none of it was of any true value to me. When push comes to shove, the most important thing was my very life, acknowledging who I am and that God loves me. No 'things' involved there, just faith, hope and love.

               We often delude ourselves. I have written a little about this. We search for wholeness in things we own or do. Big boy toys, belongings, trappings, titles. You name it. And all the while we may make attempts to be faithful. We may attend church and abide by the rubrics of the faith we belong to. Faith in this sense meaning a specific religion. When a time of crisis comes, and they always do, we are lucky if we can connect with our faith, in this sense I mean a personal relationship with our creator. In spite of going through the motions of faith, very often our true faith has become the 'things' of our life. We may wonder why we are finding no comfort in God. It may be because we have de facto already chosen our God and it's all the 'stuff' around us, the stuff we have amassed, the wholesale  material life we have lived. Blessed is the person who realizes the differences. I have been truly blessed in this way. I know what is really important and it is not the things of life. I realized that from a whole slew of events in my life, the latest of which was my coming to terms with my sexuality. I am a blessed and happy man.

      It is the perfect time to do some serious soul searching, a really hard and honest look at our lives. We can be become more human. We can forge a deep and lasting relationship with our loving God aside from all the fluff and finery that religions often seem awash in. There is no sin in having all the 'things' of life as long as it is placed in proper perspective and it does not become our God. That I suppose could be a mortal sin, a wholesale turning your back on God by seeking pleasure. What's the word for that? Materialism? Hedonism?

      Do not be like a shrub in the dessert, be a shrub near water. Nourish your soul this Lenten season.

Thus says the Lord:
Cursed are those who trust in mere mortals
   and make mere flesh their strength,
   whose hearts turn away from the Lord.
They shall be like a shrub in the desert,
   and shall not see when relief comes.
They shall live in the parched places of the wilderness,
   in an uninhabited salt land. 

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord,
   whose trust is the Lord.
They shall be like a tree planted by water,
   sending out its roots by the stream.
It shall not fear when heat comes,
   and its leaves shall stay green;
in the year of drought it is not anxious,
   and it does not cease to bear fruit. 

Melt me, mold me

Jeremiah 18:1-11,18-20

            Today let us begin with a small prayer that I often say to myself.

                

                Spirit of the living God, fall fresh on me.

                Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me.

                Spirit of the living God, fall fresh on me.

          It is my custom during the summer months here on this beautiful island I call home to set out on regular bike trips. It is truly zen like, communing with nature, seeing the horses, bison, woodchucks and rabbits not to mention the new-mown hay or the smell of the salt water. A regular stop is a small country church that has built a small labyrinth.  It's a perfect halfway stop.  Part of the path is paved with shards of broken clay pots. I began to think about my potters prayer and it's relation to the broken clay pots I was walking on.

         Clay is a beautiful substance that when soft can be molded and even remolded. Once the clay hardens or is fired, it is rigid and fixed. That's a wonderful thing if you want a sturdy container that never needs to change.  We as humans are not sturdy containers that never need to change. In fact, if we allow ourselves to harden like the clay we become old and immovable and are clearly at risk of being broken with sharp dangerous edges. It's not unlike the shards I have walked on.

         If we are to grow into the beautiful vessel that God intends us to be, we must remain maliable. we must be able to be worked and reshaped.  Nothing that stays rigidly formed lasts forever. In fact It increased the likelyhood that it will be broken or becomes a relic of the past.

        As we allow ourselves to be formed by the potter (God) into a well formed human this Lent and into the rest of our human lives, let us pray that we will always be open to being reformed into whatever the potter needs us to be, never hardening our hearts or minds.

        The journey continues. Spirit of the living God, fall fresh on me.

The word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: ‘Come, go down to the potter’s house, and there I will let you hear my words.’ So I went down to the potter’s house, and there he was working at his wheel. The vessel he was making of clay was spoiled in the potter’s hand, and he reworked it into another vessel, as seemed good to him.

Then the word of the Lord came to me: Can I not do with you, O house of Israel, just as this potter has done? says the Lord. Just like the clay in the potter’s hand, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel. At one moment I may declare concerning a nation or a kingdom, that I will pluck up and break down and destroy it, but if that nation, concerning which I have spoken, turns from its evil, I will change my mind about the disaster that I intended to bring on it. And at another moment I may declare concerning a nation or a kingdom that I will build and plant it, but if it does evil in my sight, not listening to my voice, then I will change my mind about the good that I had intended to do to it. Now, therefore, say to the people of Judah and the inhabitants of Jerusalem: Thus says the Lord: Look, I am a potter shaping evil against you and devising a plan against you. Turn now, all of you from your evil way, and amend your ways and your doings.

Then they said, ‘Come, let us make plots against Jeremiah—for instruction shall not perish from the priest, nor counsel from the wise, nor the word from the prophet. Come, let us bring charges against him, and let us not heed any of his words.’ 

Give heed to me, O Lord,
   and listen to what my adversaries say!
Is evil a recompense for good?
   Yet they have dug a pit for my life.
Remember how I stood before you
   to speak good for them,
   to turn away your wrath from them.

Synoptic Gospels

John 4:43-54 

           One of my most popular blog postings was "A dear slave" from September of last year ( see Luke 7:1-10 ). That reading is incredibly similar to this reading. One might think that the story came from the same source ( it did ). The fact that it is not technically the same as written is very clear. Even taking into account any translational differences or what the original texts say, they are different. They are written by a different person but obviously telling the same story. Each "writer" told the same story in his own words and to a different audience. What are we to get from this?  Clearly, the Bible is not the verbatim words of God. Humans, fallible humans were the conduit. However, they do tell truths about Jesus and about God. 

          The scriptures cannot be taken literally. They are subject to human error, human bias, translational errors, reference mistakes and so much more. If you decided to crack open the scriptures this Lent ( a very good idea ), should you now abandon your efforts and throw up your hands?

           Absolutely not. God gave us brains to discern and discover the truths that he wishes to convey to us. Studying scripture will deepen the appreciation and help you to grow in faith , not struggle .

           The decision to crack open Holy scripture is a gift you can give God. You are saying, I want to have a conversation with you . I love you. Speak to me.

        What message can we get from all this? How special you are? How much you are loved? How much God loves you? Yes. Yes. And Yes. All of the above.

     

When the two days were over, he went from that place to Galilee (for Jesus himself had testified that a prophet has no honour in the prophet’s own country). When he came to Galilee, the Galileans welcomed him, since they had seen all that he had done in Jerusalem at the festival; for they too had gone to the festival.

Then he came again to Cana in Galilee where he had changed the water into wine. Now there was a royal official whose son lay ill in Capernaum. When he heard that Jesus had come from Judea to Galilee, he went and begged him to come down and heal his son, for he was at the point of death. Then Jesus said to him, ‘Unless you see signs and wonders you will not believe.’ The official said to him, ‘Sir, come down before my little boy dies.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Go; your son will live.’ The man believed the word that Jesus spoke to him and started on his way. As he was going down, his slaves met him and told him that his child was alive. So he asked them the hour when he began to recover, and they said to him, ‘Yesterday at one in the afternoon the fever left him.’ The father realized that this was the hour when Jesus had said to him, ‘Your son will live.’ So he himself believed, along with his whole household. Now this was the second sign that Jesus did after coming from Judea to Galilee. 

Slap me twice

Luke 6:27-38

          This is similar to the reading two days ago from Matthew but it goes even further. Let's explore. There would seem to be a fine line between what this passage is calling you to do and being a masochist. If someone slapped you in the face, would you really turn the other cheek to offer the opportunity to get hit again? In a way, that is exactly what we are called to do.

           It has all to do with forgiveness and the opportunity to witness what forgiveness, faith and love means to us. Clearly it does not mean being a masochist or acting stupidly. We are called however to truly forgive and open ourselves to the opportunity to love again which does open us up to being hurt again. God does this all the time. We say we love him, we say we are thankful. Then we turn around and slap him by our sometimes selfish and hateful actions towards ourselves and others. The 'others' are his children too, our brothers and sisters.

          When trying to illustrate this concept of offing the other cheek, I am reminded of Les Mis. Jean Valjean steals silver candlesticks from a Priest who has offered him comfort, food, love and forgiveness. The police catch him and drag him back to the Priest. The Priest says, officers you have done your duty but this man tells he truth - I gave him the candle sticks. Further, the  priest says, and you left so quickly, you left the best part and forgot to take these other even more exensive candlesticks. Truly a conversion moment. The Priest offers the other cheek and "42601" has a conversion moment.

          So we are called to truly and wholeheartedly forgive as God does for us very day, as Jesus showed us as he hung there on the cross with nails we drove in. But do not act stupidly in a masochistic way. God gave us a brain , do not put yourself in danger but do forgive. Do offer the other cheek. Give and do not expect any recompense. When you do your bounty is already returned to in richness that money truly cannot buy.

‘But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also; and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt. Give to everyone who begs from you; and if anyone takes away your goods, do not ask for them again. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

‘If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

‘Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you get back.’

Seeds of faith

Psalm 27

           "How special" says the church lady. You might say the same. I try to build up those that are beaten down, bullied, marginalized and negated especially in the gay community. I try to instill self worth in troubled people and try to help them know that they are loved by God and that they are precious in the eyes of God. Yes, how special.

            And where are we to go with this wonderful feeling, this knowledge? For us to grow, to have this feeling be acknowledged and for it to take root in our soul, we need a place to go.

           While I believe this Psalm is a constant source of joy and consolation in troubled times ( in any time ) we need to know where we can go to nourish this seed of faith within us. For eons the gay community has gathered in places where we would feel welcome with people of our own ilk, where we would be appreciated and accepted.  The same goes for our faith. There are those who would deny that being gay is a gift from God. I can recall sitting in church not too many years ago, the church of my youth. I was in the middle of a long pew when the Priest started to rail against "the gays". It was unfathomable to me and I had the urge to stand up and walk out ( after I told him he was full of crap ). I stayed for the service but knew that this was not  church that would nourish my faith, make me feel welcome. I realized that even if the congregation welcomed me, or even the Priest himself, that the hierarchy still believed I was 'disordered' and that they chose to blame large portions of their own pedophile problem and coverup on gays men. Rather that be honest and forthright, they lumped good people in with people with an illness and all the time never acknowledged their own guilt in coverups.

Can anyone who is gay and has any self respect and dignity stay in such a church? The real point is we need to find churches, believers, faithful servants of God who appreciate God's diversity. We need to find and engage in a community of the faithful that allow us to nourish our faith and offer the myriad gifts we have to offer.

         I will lead with the assumption that if you are reading a blog you can easily access the internet to find gay friendly or inclusive churches.  That is crucial to the survival of the faith we have. If we are to grow in God's love, it must be done in community. Everything Jesus did, save meditation, was in a community. The early church was all about community. Seek and you shall find, ask and you shall receive. 

           But always know....       The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? 

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?

When evildoers assail me to devour my flesh-- my adversaries and foes-- they shall stumble and fall.

Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident.

One thing I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after: to live in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in his temple.

For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will set me high on a rock.

Now my head is lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the LORD.

Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud, be gracious to me and answer me!

"Come," my heart says, "seek his face!" Your face, LORD, do I seek.

Do not hide your face from me. Do not turn your servant away in anger, you who have been my help. Do not cast me off, do not forsake me, O God of my salvation!

If my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will take me up.

Teach me your way, O LORD, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies.

Do not give me up to the will of my adversaries, for false witnesses have risen against me, and they are breathing out violence.

I believe that I shall see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!

Comfort zone

Matthew 5:43-48

        So this  little sweet potato comes home and says she's in love and wants to marry this big spud and have a load of their own tater-tots. Well, in this well to do Idaho potato family, the immediate question was what he did for a living. The sweet potato said, he's a newscaster. Well, said the parents, we won't have you involved with him, he's just a common-tater! I know, don't give up your day job.

        Who is it we look down on?  I like to think I am inclusive and pretty far left. I reserve my conservatism to being a faithful, loving spouse and father. I will admit though I look down on many people. Ironically, mostly the people who think they are higher ups.  You've probably already noted my disdain for the hierarchy of the Roman Catholic church or Bible thumpers that quote bible and verse and believe it is God's actual words without fault or interpretation.  So I am not talking down to anyone here. I am no better (or worse,  I hope) than the next person.

       How are we to love everyone, even the one's that make our blood boil when they speak?  Or people that seem so stupid you wonder what God has in mind?  or if those people even have a mind! Yet we are called to love everyone because God loves everyone. What does God see or know that we don't? A whole heck of a lot I think. Can we agree to disagree? Can we respect someone's right to be wrong, or what we think is wrong? Can we acknowledge someone's own journey to wholeness or the possibility of conversion? If we are Christian in any sense of the word we darn well better believe in conversion.

       If we truly want to emulate Christ we will need to expand our horizons and step out of our comfort zones. Jesus was the exemplar of stepping out, engaging everyone, especially those that he was told he shouldn't.  If we truly want to  live this Gospel message, we'd better make a sincere effort to find a way to love everyone. That means  respect everyone and be cordial and loving to everyone.

‘You have heard that it was said, “You shall love your neighbour and hate your enemy.” But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax-collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Forgiveness

Matthew 5:20-26

          I'd have to say that forgiveness is one of the toughest things we are called to do. But called we all are. I think no matter how I may have been harmed, wronged or maligned, it can't be all that bad - not as bad as being nailed to a cross.  First, you could drive yourself into a frenzy if you constantly wondered what people are actually saying about you or doing. It's hard enough to keep track of what I am doing. I know I have a good heart but I still make stupid mistakes. I still make wrong choices. I'm not perfect. Can I expect everyone else to be? When I say that God loves everyone else at least as much as he loves me, won't he also forgive everyone else as much as he forgives me?

              There is a great feeling of joy, lightness, inner peace if you will, when you feel forgiven by God. That must include of course forgiving yourself. And the extension is to forgive others.

              I've heard the expression "I forgive but I do not forget". That is not true forgiveness. It seems to me that type of 'forgiveness' is shallow. It's like letting go of the guilt trip suitcase but allowing a handbag to rattle around in your head.  You may say someone is forgiven but you would always be holding back a part of you that opens yourself up to having it happen again.  Perhaps that's where the 'not forgetting' comes in. But for forgiveness to be real it must be total like how God forgives us. God never stops loving us and is always placing himself at our disposal at the risk of us hurting him again.

               When Peter denied our Lord three times, Jesus forgave him and placed him at the head of the church. When Jesus was on the cross in agony he mustered the strength and character to say "forgive them Father for they know not what they do".

             Can we forgive others as God forgives us? Perhaps not, but it is humanly possibly as Jesus showed us. It just is not easy at times.  Yet another thing to reflect on this Lent.

          

For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

‘You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, “You shall not murder”; and “whoever murders shall be liable to judgement.” But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgement; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, “You fool”, you will be liable to the hell of fire. So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are on the way to court^* with him, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you will be thrown into prison. Truly I tell you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.

Tangled hair, ashes and dung

Esther 14:1-6, 12-14

          First of all, I am soooo glad that Chrstians chose to use simple ashes on the forehead for ash Wednesday instead of what Queen Esther did. Tangled hair, ashes and dung??  One thing for sure though, we know that Esther clearly took repentence seriously. She appealed to God in a dramatic way.  When I think of the Easters of my youth I think of finery, Easter bonnets, fine dresses, new suits and shiny new shoes. The attire that Esther donned and the Easter clothes of my youth seem like counterpoints. They seem to tell the whole story of lenten repentance and onto the glorious new life of Easter.

        Counterpoints are very important. Even if it's as simple as the expression "it's always darkest before the dawn", a true story is told. A lesson is there for us - the darkness and then the dawn. (light). There is not one without the other.

        It was intensely difficult for me coming to terms with being gay but now I have never been happier.  A butterfly struggles so fiercely to break out of it's cocoon but when it succeeds, we see the beauty and freedom that are the hallmarks of the butterfly. A gay youth struggles to hold on after they are beaten and bullied. They find it hard to see that it does get better, it will get better, much better.

         In Lent we are asked to explore the journey of our humanity as Jesus did. We are asked to examine our lives. Sometimes that means we will enter a personal dark place. We may have to admit things about ourselves, perhaps things we have done. It is a time to be brutally honest with ourselves and place them before God. It is no different than presenting yourself with tangled hair, ashes and dung.  We could not be more vulnerable in front of God. We could probably feel less lovable than we ever have. However, this is the darkness before the dawn.

           In examining yourself  you give God the opportunity to reach out and say, yes I love you, I always will. Let me cleanse you of the dung in your life.  We are not asked to don sackloth, ashes and dung but we are asked to see that to grow sometimes we need some personal pruning. Sometimes we need to enter the dark spots in our lives to reach the Son.

      As an added bonus (to me and you), I am copying here a prayer that was offered last evening at an LGBTQ prayer meeting I attended. Thank you brother Eric.

                      O, Great Spirit, you embraced our humanity and so taught us how to truly be human.
                      Help us to follow loving examples and bring out in us all that is truly human.
                      Teach us to appreciate the intense good that lies in being human, climaxed by the gift
                               of genuine self-giving.
                      Enable us to make use of all the gifts you have given us in a way they are designed
                               uniquely for each of us, especially for the good of others.
                      Make us realize that only when we are genuinely human can we be true seekers of 
                               the divine. Amen.

          

Then Queen Esther, seized with deadly anxiety, fled to the Lord. She took off her splendid apparel and put on the garments of distress and mourning, and instead of costly perfumes she covered her head with ashes and dung, and she utterly humbled her body; every part that she loved to adorn she covered with her tangled hair. She prayed to the Lord God of Israel, and said: “O my Lord, you only are our king; help me, who am alone and have no helper but you, for my danger is in my hand. Ever since I was born I have heard in the tribe of my family that you, O Lord, took Israel out of all the nations, and our ancestors from among all their forebears, for an everlasting inheritance, and that you did for them all that you promised. And now we have sinned before you, and you have handed us over to our enemies.

Remember, O Lord; make yourself known in this time of our affliction, and give me courage, O King of the gods and Master of all dominion! Put eloquent speech in my mouth before the lion, and turn his heart to hate the man who is fighting against us, so that there may be an end of him and those who agree with him. But save us by your hand, and help me, who am alone and have no helper but you, O Lord.

Here's your sign

Luke 11:29-32

          Signs, sign, everywhere signs.  Picture it, Hollywood (Florida) 2010, we are parking the car for a pleasant dinner with Mom and Pop. We all read the parking sign, walk away and return an hour or so later to find a parking ticket on the car. Doh! we say, I guess we didn't read the sign carefully enough. We all read it too. Uh-mahzing eh?

          We are a people accustomed to a multitude of signs. Perhaps we are inundated with them. Speed, parking, restauramts, street names, auxiliary street names, danger signs, changeable road signs. It's tiresome.

        Many years ago my Dad had to go to Colorado on business. He told me that he came across a sign there that read "slow, curve, 15mph". He told me it should have read: Slow down! Sharp curve, no faster than 5 mph! It wasn't until I made my own trip to the roads outside Denver that I realized he was right!

        We are so accustomed to signs, how do we know when to really pay attention?  Because we are so used to people giving us signs, I think we may have lost our edge at common sense and figuring out the rules of the road (or life) ourselves.  Could we wiggle out of a speeding ticket by saying "sure the sign says 55 but everyone is really going 70".

           Jonah was a sign and apparently the people of Ninevah recognized it and changed their ways. Jesus told a parable of a man who had it all while he was alive and wound up in the fires of hell. The condemned man wished to save his family from a similar fate and Jesus said, you had the prophets, Elijah and Moses and you did not listen to them, why would they listen even if a man should die for their sins?

           Jesus is our sign. He is a sign in every respect. He was a sign by example as he walked the earth. He lived the love of his father (our father), he lived inclusion, empathy, compassion and love for all. It's not like we really don't know this, right?

            Once again, use this Lent as  an opportunity to embrace your humanity, who you are and Jesus as your Lord and savior. Now is the time. Can we argue later we didn't see the sign? Here's Jesus, here's your sign.

When the crowds were increasing, he began to say, ‘This generation is an evil generation; it asks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of Jonah. For just as Jonah became a sign to the people of Nineveh, so the Son of Man will be to this generation. The queen of the South will rise at the judgement with the people of this generation and condemn them, because she came from the ends of the earth to listen to the wisdom of Solomon, and see, something greater than Solomon is here! The people of Nineveh will rise up at the judgement with this generation and condemn it, because they repented at the proclamation of Jonah, and see, something greater than Jonah is here!

Strong and Mighty Oak.

Isaiah 55:6-11

            Whenever I read this passage it brings wonderful memories of the Weston Priory Monks. Their voices raised in song in a barn on top of a hill, the grounds speaking to the innermost part of my being, calling me to stillness. Visiting the monks there is a gift for sure, their voices, their prayers, there connectedness to the soil and the landscape all contribute to an intensely spiritual experience.

             But that seems somewhat unrealistic for the vast majority of us that live in a suburban, if not urban world in jobs that require time clocks, commuting and tight schedules of minutiae.

             Once again I cannot help but be reminded during this Lenten season of what we are called to do. Drop guilt off, check; give up 'something' for Lent, check. But as God is far above us in every conceivable way, he is as close as our heart and closer still. God became man in Jesus our Lord and savior. Jesus showed us the way to holiness, He showed us how to live. He showed us to live as a human.

            Jesus interacted, conversed, healed and hung out with all kinds of people. We've heard it before I know, but we really do need to be ourselves, respect ourselves and be exactly who God made us to be. We are not Gods. With all the things we might want to do in Lent, embracing ourselves as fully human is probably the most challenging, the most rewarding and admittedly will take longer than one Lenten season.

            Let's look at it another way. Think of a tree that grows big and tall. When it is felled and we count the rings, we can see just how many (lenten) seasons it has been growing. It did not become a giant tree overnight. And when we look at each and every ring we can see some years were lean due to drought while other seasons were marked with great growth due to abundant water. This is the cycle of life. We are no less a part of it.

           Just as a tree embraces being a tree, embraces being what it is meant t be, so are we called to grow into what we are called to be by God. It may take many lenten seasons but for sure, make this one count. Nourish yourself spiritually, appreciate who you are and communicate love with God and everyone around you.

         
          

Seek the Lord while he may be found,
   call upon him while he is near;
let the wicked forsake their way,
   and the unrighteous their thoughts;
let them return to the Lord, that he may have mercy on them,
   and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
   nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
   so are my ways higher than your ways
   and my thoughts than your thoughts. 

For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
   and do not return there until they have watered the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
   giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
   it shall not return to me empty,
but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
   and succeed in the thing for which I sent it. 

Drop your guilt

John 15:1-11

            You have already been cleansed by the word that I have spoken to you. As Lent began, I urged everyone to lay aside any feelings of guilt. No guilt trips, let the feeling of inadequacy go, and KNOW, that you are a loved person of the creator. You are forgiven. Abide in Christ and you are forgiven.

            It is wholly appropriate then, that this is a reading for today,  the Feast of Martin Luther. He was that Roman Catholic Priest that stood up and said stop! He pointed to some of the many flaws in the Roman Catholic tradition which endeared him to virtually no one except the sensus fidelium, the masses of the faithful that knew in their hearts that he was correct.

            One of the issues that Matin Luther pointed to was what actually achieved forgiveness and salvation. Was it good deeds? Was it a penance of a sort meted out by an ordained priest? Was it money handed over? I believe the expression that Martin Luther used was 'by faith alone'. Abide in Christ and you are forgiven.

            To someone who grew up in the Roman Catholic faith this makes much more sense. Is forgiveness found in the string of Hail Mary's and Our Father's that we were told to recite to achieve forgiveness? Even at 11 years old we were able to say 10 of each in 3.2 milliseconds. Our only risk was that our count could not keep pace with the speed with which we were saying the prayers. Invariably we wound up saying one or two more of each. Equally as silly was a penance that was unreasonably difficult to achieve. Something un-doable. And then there was the condemnation which one was left feeling, like you were certainly going to hell in a hand basket. Worse still, being told outright you are going to hell. None of this sounds remotely like the loving Christ that we experience in scripture.  A wiser pronouncement, a more Christian thing would have been to help us figure out the why of what we had done or perhaps an understanding that at every age we cannot be expected to be robotic christian soldiers. We ware simply human and that is what Jesus came to embrace along with a message of never ending love and hope.

               Embrace the never ending love of God, our creator. Abide in His love and you are forgiven. That does not excuse you from trying to be better, from examining your conscience and discerning the why and why not's of the way we live. God gave us a brain and it is meant to be used to live, to learn and to discover Him.  

                Drop the guilt, know you are loved and forgiven. 

‘I am the true vine, and my Father is the vine-grower. ²He removes every branch in me that bears no fruit. Every branch that bears fruit he prunes^* to make it bear more fruit. ³You have already been cleansed^* by the word that I have spoken to you. ⁴Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. ⁵I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch and withers; such branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. ⁷If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. ⁸My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become^* my disciples. ⁹As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. ¹⁰If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. ¹¹I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.

Lemonade from lemons

Mark 8:31-9:1

            There are expressions that people say that I find somewhat problematic. That there is 'value in suffering' is one such expression. Another is the belief that 'there's a reason for your suffering'. 

           I  believe both of these common sayngs but with caveats. First, I would never invite suffering. I don't believe in flagellation or self harm as a means to revelation. I think the world visits enough pain and suffering in our lives that there is no need to invite more. Still, when suffering dose come, I find no reason to let it get the upper hand. I try to turn it around as best I can.

           A case in point is the suffering my dear mother went through the last years of her life. By extension, my life was heavily burdened and I had frequently described it as the worst ten years of my life. Now however, I can see the fragility and vulnerability of life as expressed by my mothers suffering. I also see what an opportunity to love it was. My actions were an active sign of God's loving graces through me. I would never have visited such pain on my mother, me, my siblings or my family. Yet I can see the silver lining if you will. From a situation in which I had little control I am now resolved to help n situations where I can help.

            Jesus suffered tremendously. The obvious reference is to the passion. However, his entire life and ministry could not have been easy. As a child he clearly must have been different and that is never a good recipe for a mainstream childhood. Children can be brutal bullies. If, as some suspect, Jesus was gay,  there would be even more reason to think his life was a source of suffering. Jesus knew what suffering was and he almost seemed to invite it but he gladly endured it for us. 

            If there is any kind of suffering in your life now, or you have experenced it in your life at some time, this Lent would be an excellent time to draw on that experience, that memory and those feelings.  This is no different than what Jesus was exeriencing. If  you wish to understand and appreciate what Jesus experienced during his ministry especially, it would be good to draw on your own experence of suffering and even loss. 

             As any person in the LGBTQI acronym will tell you, they know first hand what stuffing, rejection and pain is all about. Again, not that one would invite such pain and not that it is justifable in any way. But we can use that pain and suffering to understand and then actually empathize with Jesus as he tried to live his life, live his love for all of us. And what did it get him? Tortured and killed? 

Jesus would rise after three days changing our human history, our lives and gaining us salvation and freedom. The original, 'It get's better' story.

            If we can draw the line between wanting suffering and using it's inevitable presence in our lives, we will be able to  enrich our personal Lenten mission as well as our entire lives.

Then he began to teach them that the Son of Man must undergo great suffering, and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. He said all this quite openly. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. But turning and looking at his disciples, he rebuked Peter and said, ‘Get behind me, Satan! For you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things.’

He called the crowd with his disciples, and said to them, ‘If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it. For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? Indeed, what can they give in return for their life? Those who are ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of them the Son of Man will also be ashamed when he  comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.’ 
And he said to them, ‘Truly I tell you, there are some standing here who will not taste death until they see that the kingdom of God has come withpower.’

Sabbath Day

Isaiah 58:9-14

            When I was in the seminary we had a course on homiletics, good preaching if you will. It calls into play everything you have learned in life. Not only every experience you have ever had, every lesson you ever learned. Even what your creative writing teacher taught you in 9th grade to perhaps the most important, being prayerful and open to the Spirit. Ideally, a preacher is a vessel or vehicle it seems, one that allows the Spirit to speak; to make the scriptures of old relevant to today and to NOT make it it one's own message. It requires being respectful of what God is saying to us through the dynamic of the preacher. There is a dynamic tendency of preachers who very often are a type of personality that want to share everything they know. Perhaps this is why God uses them, us. A danger is that you try to give what you think is God's message and sometimes get convinced that somehow you are speaking Gospel truths yourself that can go unquestioned. Preachers are people though. So when you want to impart all the wisdom you think you have to offer the world and share all the knowledge you have within your brain, it's probably time to stop and place yourself in the presence of God and let him speak to you in the silence.          

          Such was my dilemma this morning because my mind was wandering over what seems to be a rich passage that speaks volumes to me. In trying to put it down here, it became a mish mosh of messages. When I realized it, I knew it was time to stop writing and sit and listen to God.  What is the message God wishes to impart to all of us through this reading, through me, at this time?

           One of the messages that comes out clear and that I began to give great thought to are the words that we refrain from trampling the sabbath. Then I began to pray on what the sabbath was. To me it would traditionally be Sunday. I think that is true for all Christians. To Jews, and Jesus was a Jew, the sabbath was Saturday. But I had a thought the other day about something my daughter in law said. Lent seemed to come very early this year. Why is it that Easter comes at different times? Perhaps equally important, why is it different than Passover? The last supper was a Passover meal wasn't it? And why do the Eastern Rite Christians celebrate Easter based on yet another calendar?  It seems we use days and calendars as human constructs to give form to our days here on earth. God has no such limits. God is not bound by our humanly creations. When God spoke of the world being created in 7 days, that was a message to us about the truths of creation in a format we could comprehend, so that we could understand.

         So what does the line refrain from trampling the sabbath mean if the sabbath day itself is being called into question? The answer to me, at least for me, is revealed in a phenomena that I have noticed over the years. Did you ever notice the number of people who rarely go to church (or temple) but live exemplary lives? At the same time, have you noticed that there are people who go to church every Sunday, or perhaps every day, and they are the most vile and contemptuous people you've come across? It seems to me that attending Mass is not a guarantee of holiness. It is not a guarantee to the intimate relationship with God that He calls us to. In fact there are jokes about getting run over by a car by congregants trying to get out of the church parking lot as fast as they can - assuming they stay until the actual end of Mass.

          I am not arguing for a wholesale abandonment of Sunday services. The fact is God does wish us to keep holy the sabbath. By attending and participating in our communal worship services, we bring what God really wishes from us. But that is not enough. We need to recognize that Sunday is really a human construct and that to keep holy the sabbath, we need to keep holy every day.

         Every day. Now re-read the scripture passage and see what our lives would be like, what our world would be like if we accepted the fact that every day is God's day. Every day is the sabbath.
Your appreciation of God, ourself and the rest of the world would take on a new meaning. There would be a new richness to each and every sunrise.  Everything about you personally, whoever you are, however God made you, becomes a true and magnificent gift. You get to share who you are. You get to experience everyone else. You may even see some goodness that is hidden in that "vile and contemptuous person" that I spoke of earlier. You'll see things differently than you had.

          Keep Holy the Sabbath - every single day.
            

Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer;
   you shall cry for help, and he will say, Here I am. 

If you remove the yoke from among you,
   the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil,
if you offer your food to the hungry
   and satisfy the needs of the afflicted,
then your light shall rise in the darkness
   and your gloom be like the noonday.
The Lord will guide you continually,
   and satisfy your needs in parched places,
   and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
   like a spring of water,
   whose waters never fail.
Your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt;
   you shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
you shall be called the repairer of the breach,
   the restorer of streets to live in. 

If you refrain from trampling the sabbath,
   from pursuing your own interests on my holy day;
if you call the sabbath a delight
   and the holy day of the Lord honourable;
if you honour it, not going your own ways,
   serving your own interests, or pursuing your own affairs;
then you shall take delight in the Lord,
   and I will make you ride upon the heights of the earth;
I will feed you with the heritage of your ancestor Jacob,
   for the mouth of the Lord has spoken. 

Wax on, wax off

Matthew 9:10-17

         I have this image in my head of Mr. Myagi saying, wax on, wax off. It seemed torturous for the kid but it showed him the moves and gave him something very important as well, discipline. Not the ruler on the knuckles discipline but a discipline to stick with something, learn and obey.

         One of the joys that fasting gives us is discipline. It is a strict rule to not eat, to do without, to remind our bodies that our true sustenance comes from God. When I returned from my volunteering in the Dominican Republic, I found fasting made me feel one with the people there that had so little  but were wealthy beyond measure in spirit. As an American with almost obscene amounts of food around us, fasting may give you a bit of a hunger pang. The rest of world's people are very familiar with that pang. 

         Fasting affects or psyche in a way few other exercises can. And just for so we are on the same page, I am not speaking of the almost silly fasts that some religions have created. The '2 small meals that don't equal one meal plus a dinner fast'. That is such a wretched accommodation. We are weaker and more prone to sin for not using the tool, the exercise of real fasting.

          Barring a medical condition or a job that demands 100% attentiveness, this ancient ascetic  practice is a gift and a wonderful tool for us in Lent.  And could the food you don't eat be better served being donated to food pantry? Or the money you would have spent on that food, would that be better off donated to the poor? (Isaiah 58:10)

          Think about it. Where does our true sustenance come from?

          

And as he sat at dinner in the house, many tax-collectors and sinners came and were sitting with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, ‘Why does your teacher eat with tax-collectors and sinners?’ But when he heard this, he said, ‘Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. Go and learn what this means, “I desire mercy, not sacrifice.” For I have come to call not the righteous but sinners.’

Then the disciples of John came to him, saying, ‘Why do we and the Pharisees fast often,^* but your disciples do not fast?’ And Jesus said to them, ‘The wedding-guests cannot mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them, can they? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast. No one sews a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old cloak, for the patch pulls away from the cloak, and a worse tear is made. Neither is new wine put into old wineskins; otherwise, the skins burst, and the wine is spilled, and the skins are destroyed; but new wine is put into fresh wineskins, and so both are preserved.’

Lenten plans

Luke 9:18-25

          Yes, Lent seems to have come quite early this year. So before we may have had time to plan, the holiest season of the year is here. What to do? 

          Yesterday I noted that we should give up our guilt. That is true enough. Start with a fresh slate even though I have noted how difficult it may be to let go of that guilt. Can we agree that we may have made mistakes and put the guilt aside so we can figure out the details? It might seem almost like a corporate exercise. Acknowledge the problem and then work on constructive ways to fix it.

          Without the guilt, we really do need to make a frank assessment of our life to prepare and move forward in Lent. To be converted, we must acknowledge we are being converted from something even if it's simply apathy.

           The call then is to be alone, pray alone and examine your heart, your life, your actions and inactions. We repent from not just actions but inactions and attitudes. While some will 'give up' chocolate, or popcorn, or desserts, an examining heart can give up things like sarcasm, hard heartedness or attitudes towards people.

          The key for Lent is examination of conscience and a plan. Work on the examination in solitude, silence and honesty. Then look around for community as the flip side to prepare for Lent. A weekly event at your church. Many churches have Lenten programs. Soup suppers, prayer meetings, perhaps even a book club on a pertinent spiritual topic.  There are groups that travel and perform a passion play. I have always found that deeply moving and a fine addition to a personal Lenten program. It is not too late to make a plan for yourself. As I often state, our life is a journey and it is not simply black and white. Step in gradually but do step in. Make a plan and start to execute it. 

          By Easter, you will have a new heart, a glowing heart and a more loving and appreciative heart.

Once when Jesus was praying alone, with only the disciples near him, he asked them, ‘Who do the crowds say that I am?’ They answered, ‘John the Baptist; but others, Elijah; and still others, that one of the ancient prophets has arisen.’ He said to them, ‘But who do you say that I am?’ Peter answered, ‘The Messiah of God.’

He sternly ordered and commanded them not to tell anyone, saying, ‘The Son of Man must undergo great suffering, and be rejected by the elders, chief priests, and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised.’

Then he said to them all, ‘If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it. What does it profit them if they gain the whole world, but lose or forfeit themselves?

Ash Wednesday - Lent begins

Hebrews 12:1-14

          Lay aside your guilt and the sin that clings to you.

          Putting your guilt aside is not an easy thing. We find it hard to let go even after confession. If you are Catholic or Jewish, you carry enough baggage for a guilt trip around the globe. This passage though tells us specifically to lay aside our guilt.

          Easter is a joyous time when it arrives, but we are not there yet. Lent is a time to prepare. Some of us who perhaps have difficulty divesting ourselves of guilt will attend a penance service or go to confession. Still, just taking time to reflect on your life can be a simple form of examining your conscience. For still others, perhaps an Ignatian retreat would be a great way to prepare.  But prepare we must in one form or another if  we are faithful people and dedicated to our Lord, believers in the resurrection and new life. We are Easter people but again, it is not Easter yet.

             This is an excellent time to dedicate ourselves to the attempt at living fully human as Jesus did, embracing our humanity but not letting our missteps of the past or present trip us up as we go forward.  Explore the life of Jesus in his journey as a human to the cross which saves us.

            In an effort to simplify our life and become more in tune with Jesus' life. Tradition would have us give up something that will help us appreciate what Jesus gave up and the suffering he endured.  Giving up something, our guilt for sure, but also something that impedes our journey with Jesus and our own journey to the wholeness that God wants for us. What material things stand in our way? What have we elevated to Godlike status that really is an insult to His power, to His majesty, His graciousness and to the love that he shows us and showers upon us? If we could only strip ourselves of guilt, material concerns, self doubt and hard hearts, we could experience the journey and love that prepares us during Lent for an Easter resurrection and new birth.

          You are a child of God. You could do nothing that would have God turn his back on you. Discard your guilt, turn toward God and enter into the unique holiness that is this season of Lent.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight and the sin that clings so closely, and let us run with perseverance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, who for the sake of the joy that was set before him endured the cross, disregarding its shame, and has taken his seat at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured such hostility against himself from sinners, so that you may not grow weary or lose heart. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as children—
‘My child, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
   or lose heart when you are punished by him;
for the Lord disciplines those whom he loves,
   and chastises every child whom he accepts.’
Endure trials for the sake of discipline. God is treating you as children; for what child is there whom a parent does not discipline? If you do not have that discipline in which all children share, then you are illegitimate and not his children. Moreover, we had human parents to discipline us, and we respected them. Should we not be even more willing to be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share his holiness. Now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.

Pursue peace with everyone, and the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.

More Tobit

Tobit 2:9-14

          I suppose this could be continuation of yesterdays blog that no good deed goes unpunished. Tobit seems to be terribly afflicted for such a man of good character. Of course we know bad things do happen to good people.  However,  there is another important message to get across.

          Let's start with me as a young man. For some reason, perhaps out of some sense of being unworthy, I was never able to accept any gifts from people. It was very difficult. I recall practically begging not to accept a TV from my classmates' parents who were thrilled that I could use it in my rented room. It was difficult to let people do things for me.

       In this passage from Tobit, he seems suspiciously close to accusing his wife of stealing a kid (goat).  It would seem that even though they are in the midst of hard times he'd easier believe his wife is a thief than accept a gift or think someone woud be so gracious and good hearted.

       I think we all try to do good and would willingly offer help to anyone when their need is presented to us in some manner. But how is it when someone tries to help us? How good are you at accepting help? If we believe we are all instruments of God's love, could we be actually turning away a gift from God? Are we reluctant to accept help or gifts from others because we do not feel worthy? 

       Part of recognizing just how much God loves us individually is the knowledge that we are worthy and that God wants us to have the best.

       Of course the flip side of that coin is having a sense of entitlement, especially at the expense of others who deserve the best just as much as we do. A fine line perhaps. I think we should be more worried about helping others than helping ourselves. That is the template given to us by Jesus. Jesus is entitled to everything and yet he accepted an earthly lot, a life of punishment that we can fully understand so we could live. He was entitled to so much and gave us all he had, his life. We surely should love others but we really should be able to accept all the good gifts that God graces us with.

          

That same night I washed myself and went into my courtyard and slept by the wall of the courtyard; and my face was uncovered because of the heat. I did not know that there were sparrows on the wall; their fresh droppings fell into my eyes and produced white films. I went to physicians to be healed, but the more they treated me with ointments the more my vision was obscured by the white films, until I became completely blind. For four years I remained unable to see. All my kindred were sorry for me, and Ahikar took care of me for two years before he went to Elymais.

At that time, also, my wife Anna earned money at women’s work. She used to send what she made to the owners and they would pay wages to her. One day, the seventh of Dystrus, when she cut off a piece she had woven and sent it to the owners, they paid her full wages and also gave her a kid for a meal. When she returned to me, the kid began to bleat. So I called her and said, ‘Where did you get this kid? It is surely not stolen, is it? Return it to the owners; for we have no right to eat anything stolen.’ But she said to me, ‘It was given to me as a gift in addition to my wages.’ But I did not believe her, and told her to return it to the owners. I became flushed with anger against her over this. Then she replied to me, ‘Where are your acts of charity? Where are your righteous deeds? These things are known about you!’

No good deed....

Tobit 1:1-2, 2:1-8

         First, I have to say that it isn't every day that a reading from Tobit comes up in the daily readings. Then reading it I find myself thinking I've found a long lost treasure and I want more. This reading seems rich with truths of faithful, engaged people. Aren't we all faithful and engaging? And what do we get for it? It seems no good deed goes unpunished. That might be the synopsis of todays reading.

          Here we have a faithful man with a good heart, perhaps not unlike any one of us. He returns home and in addition to enjoying a welcome home meal with his family he is so thankful he sends his son out to bring in a guest to join them. He is thankful and generous. And what happens, life intrudes, perhaps again, and his son returns to report that a violence has be committed. Being the man of faith and love he is and not being able to change who he is in his core, he retrieves the body to do what he knows is the right thing to do and his neighbors laughed at him.

          I think we always try to do the right thing no matter who we are. As a faithful person, thankful for all the graces we have been given, perhaps we try harder to do the right thing. Yet we know that things don't always work out the way we'd like them to. Life intervene's. Bad things happen, accidental and evil. We could easily let our spirit go down. We might easily let that expression pass our lips, no good deed goes unpunished. Some people will not appreciate assistance. Some people will misconstrue our intentions. Sometimes things just will not work out as we'd like.

           But here's the thing, two things actually. One, this 'problem' has been going on since probably forever. Certainly it happened to Tobit. The second things is, we should never stop trying to do the right thing. We should never stop trying to do good out of our thankfulness and and loving hearts.  When we do stop, we are doomed. We have to be content that we know we are doing the right thing.
We may never think we are on the same plain as a Rosa Parks or a hero of 9/11 but in our hearts the motivation is the same. Sometimes things will not work out the way we think it should or the way we'd like.

          None the less, we need live our lives in a normal way and to be true to our faithful loving hearts.           

1

This book tells the story of Tobit son of Tobiel son of Hananiel son of Aduel son of Gabael son of Raphael of the descendants of Asiel, of the tribe of Naphtali, who in the days of King Shalmaneser of the Assyrians was taken into captivity from Thisbe, which is to the south of Kedesh Naphtali in Upper Galilee, above Asher towards the west, and north of Phogor.

2

Then during the reign of Esar-haddon I returned home, and my wife Anna and my son Tobias were restored to me. At our festival of Pentecost, which is the sacred festival of weeks, a good dinner was prepared for me and I reclined to eat. When the table was set for me and an abundance of food placed before me, I said to my son Tobias, ‘Go, my child, and bring whatever poor person you may find of our people among the exiles in Nineveh, who is wholeheartedly mindful of God, and he shall eat together with me. I will wait for you, until you come back.’ So Tobias went to look for some poor person of our people. When he had returned he said, ‘Father!’ And I replied, ‘Here I am, my child.’ Then he went on to say, ‘Look, father, one of our own people has been murdered and thrown into the market-place, and now he lies there strangled.’ Then I sprang up, left the dinner before even tasting it, and removed the body from the square and laid it in one of the rooms until sunset when I might bury it. When I returned, I washed myself and ate my food in sorrow. Then I remembered the prophecy of Amos, how he said against Bethel,
   ‘Your festivals shall be turned into mourning,
   and all your songs into lamentation.’
And I wept.

When the sun had set, I went and dug a grave and buried him. And my neighbours laughed and said, ‘Is he still not afraid? He has already been hunted down to be put to death for doing this, and he ran away; yet here he is again burying the dead!’

Be bold !

2 Corinthians 3:12-4:2

             Someone may say they are the greatest at something and if it's true, it's not being conceited, it's just stating a fact.  Well, I don't think we can be the greatest at anything really. But can we say we are really good at something, or great at something and not be conceited if it's true?  I suppose there is a fine line between self assured and being arrogant.  I think we all like to be self assured, maybe even a bit cocky.

             That fine line is difficult to straddle when you are so self assured. I can't help but think of the exuberance and energy of a born again christian , a recovering alcoholic or someone who has quit smoking. I myself was that way many, many years ago after coming off a retreat weekend called a Christian Awakening ( "CA" and also called a Cursillo ). I was on fire. In fact I believe that was the retreat weekend that helped me to realize, to be convinced and know in every fiber of my being that God loves me unconditionally and forever. That's not to say I haven't made many mistakes and committed a my share of sins along the way but I know, I absolutely KNOW that God loves me. That's where my exuberance came from after that weekend. I was self assured at least about that. I had hope, I acted with boldness.  It often comes off as cocky and arrogant but I think I have toned it down a bit. I have never lost that feeling. It is what helped me through the emotional roller coaster of coming out.

               I've spoken about owning up to who you are. I have spoken about accepting who you are. I have spoken about how difficult that can be, especially if you are gay. We are filled with years of self doubt, self loathing and voices that told us gays were sinners, immoral and certainly going to hell.

               So when you come to that epiphany that you are gay (perhaps you knew it all along) and you come to the point of coming out and being proud; when you further realize, Hey, God made me this way and God really loves me! , well , that is a watershed moment in your life. It energizes you, it makes you feel fantastic! I think this is where the power of so many gay people comes from. They are out and proud! Of course. You are accepting who you are. You know you were created this way. Hopefully, you realize that God loves you this way too because God made you this way for a reason.  It's time to celebrate it.

              This energy, (out and proud!) is very similar to the energies I spoke of initially, the born again Christian who realizes how much God loves them. This kind of energy is frightening to some, it is powerful. It's a force to be reckoned with. If the gay community has anything else it is that energy.

              So, be bold, be gay. Take it easy with the power of the love and person you've been given.

         

Since, then, we have such a hope, we act with great boldness,

not like Moses, who put a veil over his face to keep the people of Israel from gazing at the end of the glory that was being set aside.

But their minds were hardened. Indeed, to this very day, when they hear the reading of the old covenant, that same veil is still there, since only in Christ is it set aside.

Indeed, to this very day whenever Moses is read, a veil lies over their minds;

but when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

And all of us, with unveiled faces, seeing the glory of the Lord as though reflected in a mirror, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord, the Spirit.

Therefore, since it is by God's mercy that we are engaged in this ministry, we do not lose heart.

We have renounced the shameful things that one hides; we refuse to practice cunning or to falsify God's word; but by the open statement of the truth we commend ourselves to the conscience of everyone in the sight of God.

New and improved !

Mark 6:30-34

          It's a cliche of sorts when a middle aged man who has been working hard all his life, a man who has 'made it' ups and leaves his wife of umteen years and marries a much younger woman. You might think this has nothing to do with the passage today but it has everything to do with being a sheep without a shepherd.

           All through life we seek the answer to the big questions. Whether consciously or subconsciously we all seek the answer to 'what is the meaning of life?' and does my life have meaning and purpose? In lieu of any deep personal thought, we often buy into societal answers. For that married man, it might be a wife, a home with a white picket fence, working three jobs to support the family and keeping up with the Jones'. Later on he finds that that is not really the answer to his happiness and he seeks happiness somewhere else. That brings up another societal answer. Madison avenue is well aware of our inner desire for answers to those deep questions. Again, they will gladly give us those answers in the way of anything new (or improved) and a constant array of entertainment products designed really to distract us from the true answers.

             In the face of no real answers, we buy into a societal answers. We become sheep without a shepherd. Blessed is the person who discovers the answer is not in any 'thing'. Happiness is not in a new car, a better boat, a vacation home, a bigger TV, a new gaming system, a lucrative job or a younger look and perfect body.

             In the gay community, we are perhaps at a bigger disadvantage.  We are no different than anyone else, we too look for the true meaning of life whether we realize it our not. We seek companionship, happiness and fulfillment. Since society has traditionally told the gay community we are incapable  of true happiness and that we are "intrinsically disordered" many in the gay community seek fulfillment and happiness the only way they are allowed, an endless stream of hookups and loose commitments. It is really horrendous that in some misguided effort to support their own so called 'traditional' marriages, there has been a codification of how marginalized the gay community is. This only enforces more that we can only find happiness in fleeting relationships. In this instance I am not sure if it started by our brothers and sisters at Stonewall or not, but brave souls have been challenging this codification and we are telling the world we can find happiness and commitment with another, we are not only capable, but worthy of such a long lasting committed love.

             And why are we worthy? Here comes the answer to the big question to everything I have just written. Our true shepherd, the answer to the meaning of life is not on Madison avenue, a new spouse, a new anything. True happiness comes from being who you are, straight or gay, acknowledging it, owning it and recognizing our relationship to our creator. Knowing we ALL are made in the image and likeness of God is true happiness. Then, taking that innate goodness of who we are and sharing it with everyone else, now that is true happiness. That is the meaning of life. If we are blessed to find the person of our dreams  (like I have) and can share who we are and share our love with that person for the rest of our lives, THAT also is the truly meaningful life.

          Our shepherd is not in seeking things nor in seeking accomplishments. Our shepherd is our God who wants us to be who are are and love, love Him and love others. That is true happiness.

The apostles gathered around Jesus, and told him all that they had done and taught. He said to them, ‘Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest a while.’ For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. And they went away in the boat to a deserted place by themselves. Now many saw them going and recognized them, and they hurried there on foot from all the towns and arrived ahead of them. As he went ashore, he saw a great crowd; and he had compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd; and he began to teach them many things.

Self loathing

Psalm 27

          This Psalm would offer comfort to anyone who has adversaries, who are afraid or have foes who seem against them. This could almost be any minority. It could be anyone who has whole segments of society degrading and bemoaning them.  There is great comfort in the Lord our God who loves each one of us with reckless abandon. Jesus gave his life so we could live, our joy is in Him and in the love that he shows us. Jesus is a counterpoint to all that is evil. Jesus IS, the way, the truth and the life.

            But what of enemies from within?  My Pop and I become very good friends after a long absence in my life. We spoke a great deal. I am blessed to say we were friends. Pop was quite wise and I recall a conversation about a book we each had read called The Power of Your
Subconscious Mind. Your subconscious mind listens a great deal to what is said. He gave the example of a young lad whose dad always called the kid an idiot. Of course the child grew up thinking he himself was an idiot. Our subconscious listens to everything. Even when we make a mistake and we say to ourselves how stupid we are.

             But it is not just bad parenting or off handed self judgements about ourselves that our subconscious listens to. We listen to what we hear in the world around us, the news, our churches and at school.  If you are gay, you have had bad vibes and judgements hurled your way almost your whole life. It is no wonder so many in my age group (pretty old) denied, denied and denied some more that we could be gay. Our subconscious said it was wrong, wrong, wrong.  But just as importantly, we begin to believe all the other things we have heard about being gay.

           What does this mean to us? The enemies we face when we come out gay are myriad but sadly it also means we have an enemy within. We have to reprogram ourselves to know that being gay is a gift from God. We have to be born again so to speak. Not as some religious fanatic but as someone who recognizes their self worth, that God loves them in spite of what some would say, inspite of what your church may say.

            A risk we have is that we bifurcate our lives. I am incredibly sad for clergy and others who have split lives. They are gay but it is a hidden part of their lives. They never acknowledge who they are to the world. The deny the world of the grace and love of their total being. It seems almost schizophrenic.  To stay in a world of the religious who at once renounce who you are as evil must do enormous damage to ones mind. I can only imagine you would have to be filled with an incredible amount of self loathing.

             The Lord is my light and my salvation, not only against those who outwardly oppress and bully us. The Lord is also the light to all the doubts, fears and enemies within ourselves. Let your light shine. Being gay is a gift and a joy.  

Of David.
The Lord is my light and my salvation;
   whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
   of whom shall I be afraid? 

When evildoers assail me
   to devour my flesh—
my adversaries and foes—
   they shall stumble and fall. 

Though an army encamp against me,
   my heart shall not fear;
though war rise up against me,
   yet I will be confident. 

One thing I asked of the Lord,
   that will I seek after:
to live in the house of the Lord
   all the days of my life,
to behold the beauty of the Lord,
   and to inquire in his temple. 

For he will hide me in his shelter
   in the day of trouble;
he will conceal me under the cover of his tent;
   he will set me high on a rock. 

Now my head is lifted up
   above my enemies all around me,
and I will offer in his tent
   sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing and make melody to the Lord. 

Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud,
   be gracious to me and answer me!
‘Come,’ my heart says, ‘seek his face!’
   Your face, Lord, do I seek.
Do not hide your face from me. 

Do not turn your servant away in anger,
   you who have been my help.
Do not cast me off, do not forsake me,
   O God of my salvation!
If my father and mother forsake me,
   the Lord will take me up. 

Teach me your way, O Lord,
   and lead me on a level path
   because of my enemies.
Do not give me up to the will of my adversaries,
   for false witnesses have risen against me,
   and they are breathing out violence. 

I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord
   in the land of the living.