Matthew 18:21-19:1      

       from your heart

       I can recall a seriously chubby young man, long hair, platform shoes, white bell bottoms, floral shirt and a simple pendant that read "70x7". Seriously, how did I not know I was gay??? 

       That penant though was from this very scripture reading. 'Forgive your brother not up to 7 times, but seventy times seven'. Considering the numerical significance of the number seven, that's a lot of forgiving we are supposed to do. Sometimes forgiving someone seems like the hardest task in the world.  I am amused at those who have conquered the forgiveness but hasten to add "but I never forget". The point seems to be missed.

       I am reminded of that last phrase because the reading adds that you should forgive your brother "from the heart". That puts a rather serious qualification on our forgiveness.  It seems to be true and total forgiveness. That would be, the kind of forgiveness we receive from our God. 

        There is great freedom in forgiveness. After all, the expression that being angry with someone is like letting them live in your head rent free is quite true. I wish I could give some miraculous words that will allow us all, including myself, some way to totally forgive. Real forgiveness, forgiveness for truly hard issues is a real effort.

        I have hope that I can attain this goal set by our Lord, you know the guy who forgave his crucifiers as he was hanging there on the cross. I am also reminded of a story I read of  Father Titus Brandsma. He was tortured in incredibly evil ways by the SS in Dachau. As a "nurse" injected him with phenol, his last act was to forgive her. Powerful. Simultaneously a reminder of the incredible evil in the world as well as the amazing capacity we have for love and forgive. The power of the latter I think comes form God. I am not sure we are capable of such forgiveness on our own. Th trick may be putting our anger at feet of our Lord for He does have the power we lack and he surely will help us conquer the anger we may be harboring.

       My husband and I have a motion we go through as we try to forget something bad or try to forgive. We crumple up our anger like it was a virtual piece of paper and through it away, out the window, over our shoulder.  I suspect that sometimes we are simply throwing it away but not forgetting. In our efforts to achieve total forgiveness we need to have the strength of our God. If we ask and put our faith in Him, he will help us achieve our goal, his mandate to forgive and love our brother.

         "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven