When you are smiling

Phillipians 4:4

       Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice

     
      I really like the profile picture of my FaceBook page. I have a gentle smile that speaks to the fact that I am really happy ( or really dopey ). I am in fact, very happy.

         I had occasionally made note of individuals that seem to smile 'too much'. I couldn't put my finger on it but they seemed to be rejoicing at something, they seemed to be in on a joke I hadn't heard, they might just be crazy fools who smile at everything - even when the world is crumbling. I didn't get it. So much crap going on in the world and these people are smiling away like Forest Gump or Gomer Pyle. 

       One of the side effects of discovering, admitting to myself and publicly    acknowledging that I am gay is that it made me a much happier person. I had worked at the same medical facility for over 35 years. People who had seen me for eons noticed how much happier I was. I was nicer to be around, I seemed to be a better person. To me it seemed that all of the pieces that I had at my command, within myself, gelled better when I came out. I had studied theology, taken countless courses, had a spiritual director and been on countless retreats. It wasn't that they were for naught but outcomes seemed shy of successful until one of the seemingly most elusive puzzle piece was found. Dan is gay. The smile on my face is genuine and deep.

      The world is still far from perfect. So many people fight against thier very nature to be good. People run around like a dog chasing their tails for goals set by someone else for someone else. Materialism is a pox on humanity. Yet, I still am smiling. What the story??

        I have heard the secret joke, I am "in" on the seemingly hidden story. The story is how much God loves me. I can tell you with assurety that God loves you too. I can say it many ways to try and convince you. I am not sure what would convince you, God made you so purpose built and with such love and devotion, it is as if you were the only creation he was working on. There is no other like you for sure. God perhaps woke up one morning, stretched his arms, groaned a bit from a good nights sleep and said, "hmm. today I think I will give the world what it needs, I am going to create you". The rest is mere biology. The quest then becomes to discover the essence and beauty of you that God created, intended, wants you to be.  In the acknowledgement, in the thankfulness comes great joy. Yikes, then you have that 'affliction too" , that smile, that deep abiding smile. An appreciation of yourself, a thankfulness, great joy.