Not submissive enough

       When I was in therapy trying to comes to terms with the fact that I am Gay, my therapist asked many enlightening and helpful questions. I highly advise therapy for anyone with issues of any sort. I liken it to a personal trainer at the gym. They will help and guide you but the lifting is all done by you. Of course you have to recognize there is a problem and you have to be willing to accept help and make changes.  As Marjorie 'Sponsor' says on the sitcom Mom, " Nothing changes if nothing changes". 

      The problem with my well educated and very helpful therapist only came about when he decided to offer some advice on how to handle my particular situation. He had advised what might have worked for him but it was clearly not for me. I could not hide who I am, deny who I am in any fashion and most of all, I had to be honest with those that I love.

      I write this blog and I try to educate. I try to make insightful and probing observations about life, Scripture and faith. I am painfully aware that I am far from complete. If I take a step too far it would probably be an arrogance on my part to think I can make some judgments about other peoples lives however well intentioned. As a gay man of faith, some might follow my directions explicitly and perhaps even think I am wise and learned beyond my real abilities.

     People and churches are like that. Given an ounce of encouragement, they think they have all the answers or that they can't be wrong. It is a form of arrogance if not simple stupidity.

       We have the life of Christ and the lives and writing of the Apostles that follow. What holds the greatest value are the life events and words of Chris himself. We can glean enormous information of great value by how Jesus lived, who he consorted with and the parables he used.  Then there are the secondary sources of information however well intentioned, sometimes they go beyond their directive or knowledge even if done so in faith.

        I recall my Mother who was beaten verbally and physically by my father. I was too young to actually see most of it. The fact that my older brothers did see much more of the action perhaps is a reason our relationships with our father differed so much. My Mom being a devoted Catholic young woman and wife sought comfort and answers in her anguish from the local Priest. Long believed to be a bastion of wisdom and assistance, the Priest had very little practical experience with marriage relations or spousal abuse. The Priest came armed with Scripture like today's from  Ephesians. I think Paul probably went well beyond his scope here. However faithful a servant of God he was, he simply relayed the beliefs of the time. Woman were to be subject to their husbands. Woman were basically chattel. Woman must be subservient and had no comment  or consideration in a marriage. THAT is the message my mother received from the local Priest. Clearly, she was the problem. She wasn't submissive enough. She should be a better wife.  It evokes anger at the ignorance and lack of fundamental principles of faith in Jesus. That is NOT what Jesus would do. Advice from Paul, however well intentioned was flawed, tainted by the beliefs and norms of his time.

         I would think we have a better grasp of what should happen in spousal and relationship abuse today. I am not sure it is universally accepted that you do not stay in a relationship like that. I don't know if woman or any abused person is being taught to have the self respect and self love to know they do not in fact deserve any such treatment. 

        When we live thankfully and lovingly we can see well beyond the norms or accepted behaviour of today. The Spirit is very much alive and helping us see the path to our wholeness and the holiness of all people.  We can easily get caught up in the arrogance of thinking that when we have part of the knowledge we are somehow better or more learned or more faithful than the next. It ain't necessarily so. It probably is not true. 

       Let us live humbly, love humbly but love abundantly.  Offer little advice except to love.

Ephesians 5:15-33

 Be careful then how you live, not as unwise people but as wise, making the most of the time, because the days are evil. So do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery; but be filled with the Spirit, as you sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, singing and making melody to the Lord in your hearts, giving thanks to God the Father at all times and for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

 Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.

 Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is the Saviour. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands.

 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendour, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind—yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, and I am applying it to Christ and the church. Each of you, however, should love his wife as himself, and a wife should respect her husband.