Twirling with Francis

          My spirituality certainly has interesting foundations. Like my mother's recipe for peanut butter dip, it is at once welcoming with peanut butter but filled with some rather interesting and perhaps exotic ingredients to either scare you away or delight your palate. My spirituality has it's roots firmly planted in Dominican nuns and Priests who guided my journey through a great portion of my life. Then there were other Orders of nuns of course, you cannot escape such variety with twenty years of religious training under your sash. Vincentians and Jesuits played their part in my formation as well. Then I fell in with some Franciscans.  Again using an analogy of my mother, if Franciscans can be likened to a new friend I brought home, my mom would probably be both thrilled and scared. Yet I recently discovered that it was my maternal grandmother, that I never had the pleasure to meet, that was a third order Franciscan herself.  

     I read a snippet about St. Francis that noted that he twirls around like a top at a crossroads to discern which way God wants him to go, and then sets off with utter confidence in the direction where he finally lands. That sounds like my kind of guy! When my husband and I were honeymooning in France, we had the relative misfortune of having our phone die. It was what we were using to guide us via Google maps. In a much simpler world and a much simpler time, as a child we would easily take off on bikes or in cars with little more than an inspiration of adventure, maybe a map in hand. We were virtually carefree. My husband and I found ourselves in a similar situation. We knew where we were headed but with little more than a generic map. We would barrel along magnificently beautiful French country roads and then come to a roundabout. We quickly decided that our strategy would be to circle as many times as needed until we came to a consensus as to which way was correct. Then we would go merrily along another beautiful road until we came to the next roundabout where we would again begin to circle.  It was a hoot and a half and our two hour journey by some main motorway took us over 4 and a half hours but we had fun and it was an adventure. What a great analogy of life and how utterly Franciscan!

         Yesterday at work, someone asked why I was wearing a ring on my left index finger. They obviously felt comfortable enough to ask me but I suspect they would never have asked the same question of a woman.  When I express myself, what my spirituality is and who I am, I draw on so many influences and another of course is that I am gay. How wonderful it is to be gay. For reasons that might be better off as the basis of a thesis, the gay community has incredible freedom to not follow all the rules. We are gender benders, we make our own rules, we wear rings all over the place!  In many instances we crush the status quo and norms that the straight community tries to enforce to make themselves feel at ease. Of course this includes some personal interpretation on my part but I think you'll get the idea.  The ability to be free with our own expression is a gift of being gay that many people do not understand.

           Where do all these analogies and interpretations leave us? What message would I relay on this fine foggy morning as I look out over the waters?  The same message I have pondered my entire life. What makes two people different. Whether it is twins, siblings or two people with apparently the same influences on their life. One of course is the realization that there are myriad influences into our lives. We are graced with people, experiences and physical prowess or perhaps physical challenges. Everything is in the mix to make us who we are. More than that actually, everything in the mix is there, offered to us to help us figure out who we are.  The other point is that we should never limit ourselves because God has given us no limits, only other men give us limits. In fact, if you just caught that, it is quite often in embracing our femininity that we can find greater depths of who we are.

    So no matter what you need, feel you need or how much twirling at the crossroads is necessary, go for it. Keep your eyes and heart focused on God but know that God has your back.