One of the most important lessons I have ever learned is that you have to be true to yourself. One of the biggest examples I suppose was me realizing and acknowledging that I am gay. What brings these thoughts to mind is the discussion in this passage about what happens when salt loses it's flavor, 🎼 It ain't got much in it's favor! as it is sung in Godspell.
So here we go. About ten years ago when I began to have twinges of emotional discomfort that eventually led to the realization that I am gay, I went on a retreat to the Canadian Rockies with an old friend ( a nun ) and my spiritual director ( a Priest ). The time offered some incredibly powerful images and revelations that I still feel quite vividly to this day. At one point in the retreat we were walking on a glacier which our guide described as powerful and relentless. The locals had fashioned many roads out to the glacier every one of which had been engulfed by the ever advancing glacier. Even though it's march forward had slowed, it still swallowed up everything in it's path that was stationary. The glacier was a force of nature and could not help but be true to itself by advancing and being ....a glacier. Mountain tops had been softened from jagged peaks, whole parcels of land had been engulfed and moved in it's path. This process was easily grasped even by me especially since I live on a glacially formed island with terminal moraines and small remnants of what would be fjords in a different geology. The glacier is a yet another vision of God, his power and the example of being true to be who and what you are.
Even further into my past, when I began working for a governmental agency, I recall the use of sick time being an issue. It was never something that really bothered me, it was a benefit offered to us and as far as I was concerned it was to be used ... are you ready?...if you get sick! Of course there are people who think the first 80 degree day is a cause to call in sick with the prescribed treatment being 18 holes of golf. Still others I suppose simply give in to the urge to stay in bed on any given day since they know they will be paid anyway. The system seemed to foster abuse of sick time. So why did I not convert to a sick time abusing government employee? In the end, you have to be true to yourself. You cannot be someone you are not.
Whether you're are talking about the glacially powerful knowledge that you are gay or that you are guided by moral values that precludes you from betraying a trust (however comical this sounds) where one uses sick time for being sick, you have to be true to who and what you are. Salt is salt you might say.
When you try to not be gay, try to hide being gay, convert to being someone you are not or behaving in ways that go against your nature, all sorts of horrible things come about. Your nature being as strong and sure as only God can make it, your denial becomes manifest is some other way. Some of the most obvious are self hate and anger. Depending on your life and who your are and what you do for a living, your actions can be profoundly dangerous to not only yourself but to the public and your family and friends. Hiding who you are is one of life's biggest mistakes. I would hasten to add that denying whom God made you to be is an affront to God. God made you who you are for a reason.
If you are salt be salt. If you lose your saltiness, you become useless and your whole life becomes tainted .
Matthew 5:11-16
‘Blessed are you when people revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
‘You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled under foot.
‘You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hidden. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.
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