Lenten journey : flaws and foibles

     I am aware of my attempts to be whole and holy. I do try. I do not always succeed. Perhaps I rarely succeed? Interesting question and one that I am dwelling on after reading today's passage from Jeremiah.

     The reading from Jeremiah doesn't really speak too highly of the man. He is sinking to the same level as those who 'are his friends who happen to be waiting for any of his mistakes'. Jeremiah's friends that say 'perhaps he will trap himself with his won words'. It certainly doesn't seem like the kind of friends that I'd want. I certainly don't want to go half cocked thinking how wonderful I am for trying so hard, for things I may have done or may have not done for that matter. But in the latter, I am sinking to a low that Jeremeiah sank into. Jeremiah eventually starts to pray that God will wreak havoc on them with "unforgettable disgrace" and lastly, Jeremiah prays to watch as it all unfolds. Who is better or worse in this biblical scenario?

      And yet I play up my attributes and play down my faults. Perhaps on some level I even find some superiority in things I am good at and that others seem to fail at. I know I don't do it intentionally but I recognize it may not prevent me from actually doing it on occasion. How often do we build ourselves up by diminishing others or simply pointing out their flaws and foibles?

      And so I am wondering about what makes me holy and what makes Jeremiah holy. I guess I have this unpsoken beleif that even though some wretched things are done in the Bible in the name of God, that all those people are actually very holy. I mean, they made it into the Bible !

        I am sure no one will be reading my faith journey 3000 years from now. I have to focus on the here and now and how I am trying to live out my faith just as you do. But here's the catch, I am far from perfect just as it seems Jeremiah was not perfect. Am I less holy if I fall into some of the same behavior patters that Jeremiah did? Do I want to see it when someone gets their just reward? Do I think some people are out to get me or that I am better than they are?

       Finally, if I can recognize my imperfections, my mistakes and failures, can I recognize that and still forgive myself? Can I see those faults and still know that "I AM" a holy being loved by God, perhaps in spite of my  mistakes? Can we do that, can we see our faults and still love ourselves?