Lenten Journey: Count your blessings instead of sheep

     The readings today from Esther and Matthew both involve asking God for something, fervent prayer and acknowledging that it is only in God that we find the answers to our problems. This brings several things to my mind.

     First, we need to have the conversation. That is, we need to pray. We need to start that conversation with God, good bad or whatever. I have met many people who say that they are mad at God for one reason or another and so they shouldn't be approaching God to talk about anything.. I tell them that they should tell God that. They should empty their soul of anger and let God have it all, all of it. Yell, scream, cry but tell it to God. He can take it, he's a big boy and he wants to hear our concerns and our anger. God longs to hear our voice and longs to have the conversation, however uncomfortable.

      However, with any earnest conversation that has to honesty and listening. That can be difficult for us. We have to be honest with ourselves. Perhaps we have to admit our own complicity in our problems or acknowledge our own faults or brokenness.  In so acknowledging we are humbling ourselves before God. Also, and no one knows this a well as myself, things could always be worse. I asked that question once, "what could possibly happen next?" Cosmically, I found out and it wasn't sweet I can tell you that.  The point is this, even in our pain and anger, even as bad as we see life at times, we must acknowledge that things could be much worse.  I think God deserves a hand of thanks for helping us through as much as we have.  I believe God walks along side us all the time whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. It is so.

     My retreat master this Lent is quick to point to the origin of things we ask for. Perhaps I haven't thought of that so much as a blessing or thought in my arrogance that the things I pray for are my own very brilliant idea. It is being suggested that the ideas of things for which we pray are seeds of things we have already experienced. Seeds can be small but they can germinate into grand things.  Is it God that plants these ideas as the small experiences we have in life? We have experienced love and so pray for more love? We have witnessed a loving relationship in our parents or a friend and so that seed becomes a prayer that we too may find it? Interesting notion. All I can say about it is that I shall be giving that some thought this Lent.

       In the meantime I shall reflect on my gifts and blessings and open up that daily conversation with God. When I find myself in trouble or restless, I will count my blessings instead of sheep so God knows it is he in whom I am centered.