Living in the past

Luke 9:57-62

            When I came the full realization that I am gay I was married (to a woman). After I sat down with my wife and explained the facts of the situation we decided  on a course of action to inform our families and most importantly, our two (adult) children.  Initially I would live at home as an emotional support to my wife who was as surprised as I was.  It was shocking to me that I didn't see it and it was shocking to her because she apparently also did not see it.  I stayed long enough for my soon to be ex wife to get really tired of seeing me around. She was adjusting. Still, we discussed getting together once a week for dinner or coffee. I mean it wasn't like I did not love her, it just did not seem fair to her to be married to gay man and it wasn't far to me either. ( This is where I started to really separate from what the Roman church would have had me do ). In any event it was all pie in the sky stuff, this dinner or coffee once a week even if there was no animosity and there was some.

            The moral to this short story is that you cannot, or at least should not, look back when you are trying to move forward. You cannot live in the past and try to make a new future. By all means I appreciated the life we had lived. There was love and the kids and a lot of fun times. But appreciating those memories and cherishing those memories is not the same as living in the past. You cannot live in the past and move forward. This is my take from the last line of today's passage.

       I consider it a blessing that I can appreciate a great many things without wailing, gnashing of teeth or lamenting over the past. The love of my parents is alive and well in my heart and memory even if though they have long passed. I still love many people that have died or simply moved on. Even cars that I cherished and loved, sport cars, Jeeps, vans; they all were a great deal of fun to own and drive but I do not weep at the fact that the are gone in the past. I still cherish them in my memories. In that respect the memories I have are still alive while I am free to create new memories, love new people and move forward. It in no way diminished what I have had or experienced. In fact the experiences make me richer and make me who I am today. 

         There is great fear and trepidation for many people when they are coming out.  Life afterwards is never the same and it is true, "it get's better", much better. Once you announce you are gay you cannot go back but hopefully you can appreciate and love as you move forward. Hopefully not having to abandon the past unless the past has abandoned you. Either way, you still have your memories and the love you experienced is still real and intact in your heart and mind.

         Like living in a closet, living in the past is not a good place to live.

As they were going along the road, someone said to him, ‘I will follow you wherever you go.’ And Jesus said to him, ‘Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.’ To another he said, ‘Follow me.’ But he said, ‘Lord, first let me go and bury my father.’ But Jesus said to him, ‘Let the dead bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.’ Another said, ‘I will follow you, Lord; but let me first say farewell to those at my home.’ Jesus said to him, ‘No one who puts a hand to the plough and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.’