Can you kerfuffle?

James 1:19-27

            It is a rather gloomy morning. The sky is overcast with shades of dark gray and bluish gray. The ocean and sky seem to blend in as one. There are a few hints of brightness in the clouds and a strand of reddish blue standing out as if the sky was a marble counter top with streaks of pinks and reds running through like accent colors. I looks  somber, the sun is trying very hard to make an appearance.  It makes me feel dark too. This may also be because I witnessed a kerfuffle last evening.

          I  can hear Judge Judy as clear as day, "put on your listening ears"! Our lives sometimes seem to be the antithesis of this passage, we are slow to listen and quick to speak. When people get angry over something there is a whole dynamic set up that often precludes clear thought. Appearances,, assumptions and past prejudices all take center stage. You not only are angry over a current alleged slight but also dredging up past slights, arguments and hurts. Our penchant of speaking more and listening less makes that dynamic even worse. We seem more interested in firing our next verbal shot and making our fatal blow than really listening to what the other person is saying and responding. God forbid we should wait to respond.

          The idea of two ears and only one mouth is crucial. For an argument to be truly fruitful ( and they can be ), we not only have to hear, really hear, what the other party is saying but also listen to the emotion, the posture and all the other means we have at our disposal to truly listen. Arguments are more than hurtful words. As my wonderful father in law often says, there is the story and then there is the real story. In arguments, there is the subject and then there is often another real subject underlying.  It's like when someone is rude to you but they were really reacting to an incident that happened to them earlier. Arguing is often the same. What are you really arguing about? Only through candid discussion and true listening will you figure it out. 

           If you really listen instead of firing off those verbal shots, you may find an argument can bring better understanding and closeness.

          Assuming good faith among people, I sometimes feel this process would be good with the warring parties of issues such as marriage equality and LGBTQ rights. Wait, let me go further, how about the warring factions of our own government? How about warring factions in the world?

          One thing I do know is key, listening is more important than speaking. So, put on your listening ears. 

You must understand this, my beloved: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God’s righteousness. Therefore rid yourselves of all sordidness and rank growth of wickedness, and welcome with meekness the implanted word that has the power to save your souls.

But be doers of the word, and not merely hearers who deceive themselves. For if any are hearers of the word and not doers, they are like those who look at themselves in a mirror; for they look at themselves and, on going away, immediately forget what they were like.But those who look into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and persevere, being not hearers who forget but doers who act—they will be blessed in their doing.

If any think they are religious, and do not bridle their tongues but deceive their hearts, their religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.