Of marriages and families

Luke 8:16-21

          There is much talk these days about what is a traditional marriage. Most of the people who espouse restricted definitions of marriage are oddly enough using the Bible to support their claims. They look self righteously at Genesis to a one man and one woman definition.  The problem with their haranguing is that the Bible is loaded with defacto definitions of marriage that includes sale of daughters, concubines galore, polygamy, incest and ....should I really go on?  I think what they really want is like a kid having a tantrum. I want a pony! I want a pony! I want a pony! There is no reasoning with a child so fixated as these marriage zealots are. Marriage was a business transaction. The concept of love and of even choosing your own spouse, your one true love is really a modern idea. Lost in all the rhetoric is the truth that God wishes to convey, that it is simply not good for a man, men, a women or whomever, to be alone. We are social beings and we need the love and support of another in life. It is natural and how God intends us to live. The people of Biblical times when these books were written and passed down wrote about common norms. There is no argument that the marriage between a man and a woman is normative for most of society. It is what most of the people would understand at that time. They would not be able to even grasp the notion of true love never mind the concept of a deep abiding committed relationship between a same sex couple. (although they honored Ruth and Naomi, go figure?)

         That was a long intro that could easily stand to be spoken of by itself. It is a valuable message and something we need to know. The same kind of revelation happened many years ago when the definition of family was challenged because of social changes.  Divorce began to become more prevalent and the idea of 'whom you love, learn and live with' as a definition of family came into being.  The idea of more than simply a biological unit being a family became accepted. Again, not the 'norm' , it certainly was not a large percentage of the Ozzie and Harriet and Make Room for Daddy crowd but it was significant. The change was significant enough in society that people could relate to the idea of single mom  families, or mom and grandma and kids or just dad and the kids. How about a mom and dad with adopted kids of mixed race or ethnicity? All of these permutations challenged and expanded our definition of what family was.

         In today's passage Jesus says ‘My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.’ The definition of family takes a big hit right there. I know a group of monks that live together in community. Many different personalities, many different talents, they live together, argue together, pray together - they are a family.  Sometimes they need to be reminded of that and so do we.

          Just as the definition of marriage has grown, been refined and expanded so does the definition of what a family is. Two gay men with kids can be just as loving, supportive and real as any other marriage and family. Sometimes I think they can be more loving and supportive because every aspect of their bond is chosen and not an 'accidental' pregnancy or unplanned even if welcomed. A gay couple or even a planned single parent family is chosen and deliberate. Remember the day when if a man and women got pregnant before marriage they 'had to get married'? That seems like a horrible paradigm for a marriage or a family. It is often the recipe for disaster. 

       I still recall the day one of brothers started to date a young women who had a baby son. The biologic father of the son was nowhere in the picture. My brother fell in love with this women and her young son and together they married and had a wonderful, beautiful life together along with a daughter that came along a few years later. How beautiful to fall in love and choose to love. Even though my brother has long passed, the love of their family is still very much alive. The memories of love and the love still lived is a testament to a new vision of marriage and what a new family is. So too is the expansion of what a new family is and what a new marriage is. 

       I hate to break the news to the religious zealots but the Bible is chock full of loving committed same sex couples that are a beacon to today's coupes who are expanding and fulfilling the promise of love and the definition of marriage that Jesus spoke of. It is not necessarily biologic but it is chosen, committed and all about love and support. Even better when you choose to sanctify that love with a blessing from God and a life of sacramental love.

           

‘No one after lighting a lamp hides it under a jar, or puts it under a bed, but puts it on a lampstand, so that those who enter may see the light. For nothing is hidden that will not be disclosed, nor is anything secret that will not become known and come to light. Then pay attention to how you listen; for to those who have, more will be given; and from those who do not have, even what they seem to have will be taken away.’

Then his mother and his brothers came to him, but they could not reach him because of the crowd. And he was told, ‘Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, wanting to see you.’ But he said to them, ‘My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it.’