Can we be honest? What lies do you tell yourself?

Matthew 10:24-39

           I read today's passage and I thought I would write down some thoughts about lying.  I had been graced to attend a retreat year or so ago when the retreat master spoke a bit about lying to God. That's actually quite impossible so it's an exercise in futility. What we seem more capable of and perhaps even have a penchant for is lying to ourselves.  Whether intentional or not, we all do it.

           I heard the story of a family friend who was always giving to his son. This married son with several children was regularly coming to Dad for money to make ends meet or for this or that need.  There was apparently never any relationship insofar as helping this 'son' by laying out cash.  The father late in life realized this and told the son "no" at one point. The father never heard from the son again - ever. I suppose we reap what we sow, this Dad never realized his son was only interested in receiving money and no interest in a real relationship. There was apparently no respect, no interest in a loving caring mutual relationship that parents pray they will have.  It would be too simplistic to make any substantive judgements about this scenario but I do suspect the father knew it was always about the money. It may have been the elephant in the room and the father lied to himself about it because it was easier and he had the money. When we get older though we realize money isn't really that important - relationship and love is everything. 

               That's but one example. My life certainly is another.  For all intents and purposes I had a decent marriage with my ex-wife. There certainly was love and commitment. Yet I knew (and I suspect she knew) that there was some flaw in the marriage. We had our own problems like every couple but we never addressed it. I could say it was because we were good Catholics but that would be scapegoating the church. Truly I lied to myself and I suspect she lied to herself as well. Did she really not know I was gay? It certainly is possible, I denied it to myself until I was 50. So we both lied to ourselves and went on.  Through the graces of God my eyes were opened until I realized the truth. It wasn't easy hearing the truth about myself. The prospects seemed overwhelming and it required some action on my part. The fact remains. I had lied to myself.

             This is another strong example but it shows how we lie to ourselves for the sake of expediency or whatever. On so many levels we lie to ourselves every day to get by, because it is easier and honestly, it may be because we don't know any better. We may not know any other way to proceed. I suspect my psyche protected me and God protected me until such time as I was strong enough to take 'the news'. 

           What lies do we tell ourselves? I do not know all of the ones of your life but the question is worth asking? Do you belong to a church that welcomes you as long as you suppress who you are when fundamentally they view you as "intrinsically disordered"?  Do you lie to yourself in that way? Do you lie to yourself that a destructive relationship holds a future and that the other person will change?

          Having self respect for ourselves and loving ourselves or loving the person God made us to be means that we will examine our lives and be honest. we must respect honesty.  To not respect the truth is self destructive and not respecting God on a grand level.

         Can we be honest? What lies do you tell yourself? 

"A disciple is not above the teacher, nor a slave above the master;

it is enough for the disciple to be like the teacher, and the slave like the master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul, how much more will they malign those of his household!

"So have no fear of them; for nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, and nothing secret that will not become known.

What I say to you in the dark, tell in the light; and what you hear whispered, proclaim from the housetops.

Do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.

And even the hairs of your head are all counted.

So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows.

"Everyone therefore who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge before my Father in heaven;

but whoever denies me before others, I also will deny before my Father in heaven.

"Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.

For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;

and one's foes will be members of one's own household.

Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me;

and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me.

Those who find their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it.