Lord help our disbelief.

John 20:19-31

          In this passage today we get to the root of the expression "doubting Thomas".  The, I won't believe it until I see it syndrome.  Whether for good or bad, we are often surprised but things that happen.  We are elated when we hear a story in the news that someone returned a lost wallet with the money still inside, heart warmed at how a beloved pet woke the family so they could escape a fire or lead a family member to safety through a fire. Sadly, perhaps we are less surprised when something incredibly bad happens that just boggles our minds. Some acts seem beyond our comprehension.

           Today, Thomas is showing his doubt. Thomas wants some proof.  I think we are all like that at times. The thing that I notice is that Jesus does not say, 'ye of little faith, you are cast out, no longer my disciple'. Jesus is loving and understanding as a he always was (and still is).

           Given that hope and seeing the apparent huge 'fail' of Thomas, what can we derive from this? One important note is that Gd loves us even in our doubts and even in our anger. God is acutely aware of our humanity since, you know, he's the one that created us! 

          When I was in seminary we were in the midst of a discussion on the Trinity and how we have come to embrace different aspects of God at different times in our life. I still recall someone noting their difficulty with concept of God the (loving) Father.  They had always had a problem embracing that concept because their own father was abusive, an alcoholic and beat family members in turn without regard and with no apparent preferences. He had been an equal opportunity abuser.  I also recall the time a women I spoke to pastoraly who could not embrace the concept of God the Father because she had been molested by her own father. This is all pretty heady and horrible stuff but I note it to point out some of the myriad reasons we may have doubt or difficulty connecting to God and to others. Our doubts are often shaped by our experiences. Thomas seemed to be the biggest doubter of all in the face of all the others disciples telling him what happened. 

          As  a gay man I know that I harbour some anger perhaps at the church in which I was raised.  Hypocrisy, beleiving I am "intrinsically disordered" and seeing the enormous amount of human failure within the hierarchy of the church tends to make me have less sympathy for the church. I know many others in the gay community who have simply written off the church and even more sad is writing off God altogether.  I see their reasons and I am sure God understands and appreciates them.

          Thomas was still loved and embraced, welcomed and appreciated.  And so are you, all of us. Lord, help us in our disbelief. Help us as we struggle in doubt, in anger, in our limited capacity to understand. The one thing I do believe is that you love me, you love us and that love will not cease and is not contingent on us being perfect and faithful people.

          Thank you God.

When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you."

After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side. Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.

Jesus said to them again, "Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you."

When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, "Receive the Holy Spirit.

If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained."

But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came.

So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord." But he said to them, "Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe."

A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you."

Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe."

Thomas answered him, "My Lord and my God!"

Jesus said to him, "Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe."

Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book.

But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.