Shell games with God

Psalm 32

          This being Lent, we often think of repentance. We prepare for new life and one of the ways to achieve 'new life' is to abandon an old one. We start anew. We start fresh with new knowledge, a new heart, a commitment to change OR  acceptance. The funny thing is, when we fail to acknowledge one thing or another we are only fooling ourselves. God already knows it all. It's like playing a shell game with God.  It is amazing though how much is lifted off your shoulders when you admit this or that.  It is perhaps a vision of the heavy cross that Christ was bearing on the road to Calvary. (That might be a great Lenten meditation, what we 'carry' or burden ourselves with and it's relationship to that which Christ carried for us). Once again I digress.

           I read a story about Notre Dame tennis star Matt Dooley yesterday. He came out as gay. Hooray! But honestly, it was not an easy task for him. The toughest part he said was admitting it to himself, saying it out loud. Resisting this acknowledgement wreaked havoc on him personally and he had attempted suicide. I know that feeling very well.  The weight seems to crush you and you don't know which way to turn. Every avenue seems  to be fraught with danger and rejection. The guilt and shame placed on you by society and worst of all, the church is incomprehensible on so many levels. But God knows how you feel and God made you and knows you are gay. Still, to say it out loud to yourself lifts the weight of Jesus' cross because in failing to love yourself as you were created you deny and disrespect your creator. Make no mistake, God is with you and knows all that you are going through. Some things you can do nothing about, the church, the haters. You can acknowledge who you are and move forward. It is a confession of truth and love. 

            Whether we are 'confessing' a destructive behaviour or accepting oneself, we need to do this to move forward. This process is integral to a Lenten observance. Accepting the good and the bad and moving forward in progress and love because God already knows it. We need to accept ourselves to become that godly human creation, fully engaged.

Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.

Happy are those to whom the LORD imputes no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

While I kept silence, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long.

For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. Selah

Then I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not hide my iniquity; I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD," and you forgave the guilt of my sin. Selah

Therefore let all who are faithful offer prayer to you; at a time of distress, the rush of mighty waters shall not reach them.

You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble; you surround me with glad cries of deliverance. Selah

I will instruct you and teach you the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

Do not be like a horse or a mule, without understanding, whose temper must be curbed with bit and bridle, else it will not stay near you.

Many are the torments of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds those who trust in the LORD.

Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart