God's love bursting in on us

Matthew 3:13-17

          There are two specific occasions when I recognized an epiphany in my own life.  I find it quite telling that in both cases the information or the knowledge was in plain sight all the time.

           I have attended over twenty years of Catholic school. In spite of my rantings sometimes against the hierarchy or the their outdated beliefs, the church has done me enormous good. That is, based on the people of the church and God himself. Somewhere in my 17th year (my 10th of Catholic schooling), I attended a retreat called a Cursillo or Christian awakening. This awakening is an epiphany of sorts. Everything I had been taught and perhaps did not take to heart came to bear completely on me. I knew after that weekend how much God loves me. It wasn't because of some good deed I had done, it wasn't because He was hedging his bets that I would do something big at some time in the future either. (He already knows all that). God loves me because he created me and he loves every sinew and fiber of my being. He loves me! What a profound realization to know that on such a personal and intimate level. I still know that and I still make sure I tell everyone that they too are loved in a very special way because they were purpose built with love by God. God don't make junk as they say.  Since I was already in my tenth year of Catholic school, I am sure the nuns and priests and my family tried to help me realized this but this Cursillo was an epiphany for me. It was the first of two that I'll make note of.

            The second epiphany was probably more astounding and when I look back on it all, I am amazed I did not know but I managed to hide myself from the person that mattered most - myself.
I used every weapon in the arsenal of self denial. Sublimating, rationalizations, but just knowing something was not right with me.  Then it happened, I was ordained and it's as if I came springing out of the water and God said, this is my beloved son - my gay son. What started to emerge was not the machinations of the devil trying to keep my from my ministry as I was told. After therapy, prayer, and intense introspection, I came to the epiphany that I am gay. Wow! Hidden in plain sight, having been married for 30 years ( to a woman ) and with two children. I am gay. I am not sure in today's world that such an astounding realization can be fully appreciated.  Kids growing up with Will & Grace, Glee and some excellent role models in media, sports, politics and the church should find coming out a bit easier even though I know there is still bigotry and hatred out there. As a good Catholic boy of 50, I was stunned. Even so, the knowledge and freedom of saying it aloud made me joyful, a true epiphany.

            These might be two big examples but I know if I spent an hour or less of time thinking about it, we have epiphanies all the time. The realization someone loves you, considers you a friend, is an ally and that you are in fact a beloved child of God just as you are, just as God created you.

          Epiphanies do not have to be about being gay or how much in fact God does love you. They are truly important if you happen to be gay. It is critical that you absolutely know how much God loves you personally and without reservation. We do need to be open to the realizations of life that elevate us and God. Epiphanies can happen to any one of us at any moment and at any time of our lives. Epiphanies are God bursting int our consciousness.

          

Then Jesus came from Galilee to John at the Jordan, to be baptized by him.

John would have prevented him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?"

But Jesus answered him, "Let it be so now; for it is proper for us in this way to fulfill all righteousness." Then he consented.

And when Jesus had been baptized, just as he came up from the water, suddenly the heavens were opened to him and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him.

And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased."