Irrevocable trust

Romans 11:29-36

        The other day I wrote about my admiration for those gay Christians who refuse to give up their faith in the face of persecution, being demeaned and told that they are intrinsically disordered and 'of the devil'. The fact is I have written about this before. Through all my years of Catholic eduction I was told how much God loved me. I was told of my self worth. I was told of how we are all created in the likeness and image of God. Honestly, aside from the stories of "the nuns" ( pre Vatican II ), I think it was a great eduction.  By the time I realized I was gay, there was no turning back on the notion that I had self worth, was loved by God or made in his image.

          The same can be said of my ordination. Undoubtedly there are many who saw all the training I went through, the retreats and the mission trips and said, what a waste. Now he is no longer a Deacon. He loved being gay more than he loved God. Nothing could more further from the truth. Such statements by others show profound ignorance and are loaded with judgement they have no right to administer.  The fact is, in faith I know that all my training was not for naught. For one thing, my 'training' was what helped me come out and survive. After all, being Catholic and gay, while hardly novel, is still held to be anathema. Half the church's priests are gay and somehow they still perpetuate the notion that it is evil. What might be considered evil is the stigma and misguided notions that are foisted on faithful people who happen to be gay. I am sure it keeps many a priest locked in a tight psychological balance over serving God and unworthiness because of who they are. They struggle with not expressing a part of themselves that should not be suppressed. Such bifurcation of personalities and life is not natural, normal or of God. 

        So the same training that helped me come out and be honest with myself was the same training that gave me the decency to be honest and up front with the church even though I knew what their response would be. Serve quietly, do not love the way God called you to love and we can get you good counseling. Sorry, but I will not demean who God created me to be. In addition, there seems to be the notion in all this that once you "suspend faculties" you take away an ordination. If the ordination is real and holy, it cannot be revoked. A person of faith would argue that the training is from God but how it is used is up to Him, not necessarily "the Church".

         And so, I am a well loved, loving, deacon and gay man who knows the love and all of my nature is irrevocable. I am still a cherished child of God. God still accompanies me on my journey here on this earth.

         I call to you after this rather long blog entry to recognize what is irrevocable in your life. What is in your very nature. being gay? Being a nurturing person? Being a person who is tender and loving and caring and who is open to the love of others? None of these things is necessarily easy to uncover and sometimes we are hurt in our journey. But love, like our very nature is not always perfect here in this plane of existence. Still we are called to find out exactly who we are, who God made us to be. Being gay could be one part. That along with all our other gifts, talents and the love we express are all irrevocable. God will never cease to love you or me. That IS an irrevocable trust.  

for the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable. Just as you were once disobedient to God but have now received mercy because of their disobedience, so they have now been disobedient in order that, by the mercy shown to you, they too may now receive mercy. For God has imprisoned all in disobedience so that he may be merciful to all.

O the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgements and how inscrutable his ways!
‘For who has known the mind of the Lord?
   Or who has been his counsellor?’
‘Or who has given a gift to him,
   to receive a gift in return?’
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory for ever. Amen.