A cure for grouchy

Galatians 5:22-6:10

            I think everyone has come across a person at one time or another whom we might judge to be a.... sourpuss. Let's keep it decent. It seems especially troubling when the person is a person of faith. It really isn't that a person of faith is more perfect than anyone else, it's just that if the Spirit is alive in you, you'd think the person would act differently.

            Invariably I would say that the person is just very unhappy. There is something that the person may not even be aware of that is making the person very unhappy. So is the case of myself.  I studied theology and prayed very hard, perhaps unceasingly as the scriptures would suggest, for many years. For my entire life I knew a peace inside that was disturbed at times by an uneasiness. Something was clearly wrong.  It was not as if I was sufficiently troubled to warrant medication. In fact I think that might have masked the true problem and I might never have discovered what the answer was. I attribute my ordination into the Roman Catholic church as the straw that broke the camels back for me. My psyche could not handle the contrast and contradiction that my sub conscience was having with the outward expression I was feeling I had make in order to be true to the hierarchy. Soon after ordination I was in quite a quandary and therapy came soon after.  What was this 'thing' that made me so at odds with myself? with the Church? What was it that made me incomplete enough to make me feel like something was missing for decades? The big secret that I could not even admit to myself is that I was gay. Once I said it out loud so that I could hear myself saying it and I was able to utter those words to others, I was a man at peace. Of course that caused other problems for me, a married man of the cloth but I myself had a feeling of completeness I had never known. It was my faith, my friends and my decency that helped me traverse the other issues that arose.

          Is everyone who is grouchy gay? No, not at all. But we all have issues that if go unresolved can make us very disjointed people and unhappy even while we can acknowledge that Jesus is our Lord and savior. Some things are more serious than others. Being gay is a fundamental nature to me. No one was more surprised than me when I realized I was gay. No one was more stunned that a person (me) could deny the vast amount of evidence that was in front of me for years. It seems so obvious now. 

          What are the issues in our lives that keep us from being whole? What keeps us from being fully human?  Most will not be fundamental to our being but some are. This is one reason I think therapy is such a wonderful thing. If you are as honest with your therapist as you try to be with God, you will find reward.  Even without therapy, it is crucial that we be as honest as we can be with ourselves. We need serious self examination and introspection if we are to grow and mature.

         God was surely not surprised that I am gay. God 'waited' for me to make this discovery. I believe my sincere efforts at being faithful were rewarded by the blessing I have received after I acknowledged who I am.  

        When we acknowledge anything about ourselves we are not surprising God who already knows it all. What God wishes is for us to be who were born to be, to be the human he created, fully alive and engaged in the act of living. Our goal is to cooperate and grow, to love and to share ourselves generously with God and everyone we come in contact with. If we are grouchy, something is awry. Don't look at others, look inward for your first clue.

By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also be guided by the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, competing against one another, envying one another.

My friends, if anyone is detected in a transgression, you who have received the Spirit should restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Take care that you yourselves are not tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ. For if those who are nothing think they are something, they deceive themselves. All must test their own work; then that work, rather than their neighbour’s work, will become a cause for pride. For all must carry their own loads.

Those who are taught the word must share in all good things with their teacher.

Do not be deceived; God is not mocked, for you reap whatever you sow. If you sow to your own flesh, you will reap corruption from the flesh; but if you sow to the Spirit, you will reap eternal life from the Spirit. So let us not grow weary in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest time, if we do not give up. So then, whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all, and especially for those of the family of faith.