Matthew 17:14-20

       Faith of a Mustard seed

       I have previously written about how hard it is to come to terms with one's sexuality. We all have our own story to tell, our own book that we could write if you will. I have told some of my story in previous blogs. An additional fact for me is my lifelong journey of faith. I sought out God all my life and I believe it was a search for my own wholeness. This resulted in more than 20 years of Catholic education as well as various courses, retreats and spiritual programs, but a solid 20 years from first grade through to obtaining an MA in pastoral theology.

       This amount of education by itself will not grant you spiritual maturity or a perfect faith. But I believe that doing so with a pure heart and searching for God in earnest with all your heart ad soul will in fact yield benefits. One of the benefits for me was how I was able to handle the transition of sexual self realization and coming out and moving forward to total self acceptance of who I am and reveling in it. Perhaps part of my spiritual journey was preparing me for that, perhaps my spiritual journey was a sub conscious way of me searching for my own wholeness that I could not bring myself to outwardly acknowledge - until I was 50! In any event I credit my faith as helping me and all the wonderful people who have come into my life, not the least of which is my husband, have been gifts from God. A reward for my earnest search? my pure heart?

       That was probably the longest intro to such a simple notion, faith the size of a mustard seed. A small seed indeed but packed with the power of the universe.  I have no allusions that my faith is even the size of a mustard seed. But when I know that my faith is a gift from God that led me through the internal torment and challenge of coming out, I know that faith is obviously capable of mediating enormous love and action on behalf of God.

        To illustrate your personal faith, I have used the following simple test.  I ask you what your name is. Invariably there is no hesitation. In a milli-second, a name is verbalized whether it is John, Mary, or Fred. The fact is you KNOW what your name is. If I ask you as another question though, the answer is not always so prompt. The answer may be riddled with hesitation, guilt, reservation or qualification. Hesitation, guilt, reservation and qualifications should not even enter into the answer. The question is this, Does God love you? The answer is unquestionably YES! YES! YES! No hesitation. When you know the answer is yes as quickly and unwaveringly as the answer to what is your name, I think you are really onto some truth, a faith that is a good and wholesome thing.

        God loves us, each one of us, as I say, with reckless abandon. God created each one of us and imparts a unique and lovable soul and personality that we must acknowledge in it's entirety even if that is a lifelong journey which I assure you it is.

        Start by KNOWING that God loves you. Cherish it. Hold it. Embrace it.