Blessings bestowed

       I try to be a very good person, Certainly I fail and there are times when I am sure I have failed miserably. I pray that I am not judged on those failed moments in my life. Rather, I would like to be judged on my intent and the few good things I actually have done, willingly done and lovingly done.  If there is a tally in heaven ( I doubt that there is ), I hope the plusses outweigh the minuses. 

        I am thinking about this as I take stock and thanks for all the wonderful things in my life that I have been graced with. Too many to mention but I try to acknowledge them. I cannot help but think "I must have done something good" , a line from the Sound of Music. What have I done to deserve such grandiose and lustrous gifts? Blessings on blessings.  Perhaps I am blessed to open my eyes and simply have the ability to see them. Someone else might only see the negatives from my life. 

       How would you see your own life?  Do you see the blessings or too busy lamenting any hardships? 

       The Scripture today goes to the heart of what we feel we deserve in life. Apparently what God sees and judges is not the human terms we often mete out.  Was it right that the person who worked one hour got a full days pay?  It seems to me that God is trying to tell us we are all graced not so much by what we do or did but because God simply loves us. God sees us as a parent, full of opportunity to become, to be and to love.  What we see as humans is mostly markedly different and skewed.

         We need to know that God loves us with reckless abandon because there is something in us that is innately good and full of glorious potential as she created us. God don't make junk. How many times have I written that down?

         Ask yourself, do you deserve the blessings? Know that you do and that God loves you at least as much as every other creation of hers.

Matthew 20:1-16

‘For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire labourers for his vineyard. After agreeing with the labourers for the usual daily wage, he sent them into his vineyard. When he went out about nine o’clock, he saw others standing idle in the market-place; and he said to them, “You also go into the vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.” So they went. When he went out again about noon and about three o’clock, he did the same. And about five o’clock he went out and found others standing around; and he said to them, “Why are you standing here idle all day?” They said to him, “Because no one has hired us.” He said to them, “You also go into the vineyard.” When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his manager, “Call the labourers and give them their pay, beginning with the last and then going to the first.” When those hired about five o’clock came, each of them received the usual daily wage. Now when the first came, they thought they would receive more; but each of them also received the usual daily wage. And when they received it, they grumbled against the landowner, saying, “These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.” But he replied to one of them, “Friend, I am doing you no wrong; did you not agree with me for the usual daily wage? Take what belongs to you and go; I choose to give to this last the same as I give to you. Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or are you envious because I am generous?” So the last will be first, and the first will be last.’ 

An Episcopalian: free from tyranny

       I am a former Roman Catholic cleric. I was ordained and ministered in a thriving 5000 family community of faith. When I had an inkling that I was gay, I sought out a Catholic therapist in addition to my spiritual director and behaved in a decent and forthright manner.  When I came to realize that I was in fact gay, I knew what it meant for my ministry. The Church had no place for gay men who proclaimed the heresy that being gay was truly a gift from God. Doctrinally we are labelled intrinsically disordered. There would be no room for me if I chose to share my gift with even one other or perhaps, especially one other. It was suggested I seek a leave of absence, no need to speak the truth, just ask for a leave of absence.  But the horse was out of the barn as they say.  In my respect for the Church I was honest and forthright. The Church had already done the damage to itself in me by instilling in me the honesty and self respect I knew I deserved as a beloved child of God.  But the respect was not mutual and the vehemence with which I was laid down was, as I know now, to be expected.  Laicized and ostracized. Ironically, treated worse than had I been a pedophile.

      This is all ancient history now. The reason I note it is because I held great anger over how I was treated and as a result, I decided it best to stop writing this blog for over a year. The anger with which I wrote was not healthy and not consistent with a message I wished to convey.

      As took up my pen again, renewed and without anger I am still none the less fully aware of the situation of the Roman Catholic hierarchy. They are wrong on so many levels as to diminish if not erase any moral authority they once may have held over me and the faithful at large. I note this not in anger but as a statement of fact as I once again witness the vapid and tarnished fruit of the Churches actions. Witness the recent news from the State of Pennsylvania. Horrific and not wholly unexpected. I am sure the accusations and apologetics for these crimes are now ramping up to full steam. The Catholic Guild will be outraged that mother church is being attacked.

      What this says to me is that I made a wise choice in leaving not only the ordained ministry but the Roman church proper. As an Episcopalian I am freer to be the faithful person God has called me to be. As it turns out, I probably was an Episcopalian all along based on several criteria. What will I get for my exit? I suspect, God's respect and hopefully, prayerfully, and with careful attentiveness to God's message, a place in heaven as today's passage alludes to.

     We must always be attentive to what God is saying to us even when it means turning away from the faith of our fathers. Fathers can be misguided and wrong hearted. Jesus himself attests to this when he chastised and called out the religious elite of Judaism. What is so different now?  The Roman church has embraced errant policies and theology while abandoning the faithful and literally, abandoning the children in it's care. Walk away, wait, run from the leaders of unjust and unfaithful love. Better you should have a millstone tied around your neck in complicity. 

      If you examine your  beliefs, the decision and judgments of your heart, mind, soul and conscience, you may be like me, an Episcopalian and perhaps always were. 

Matthew 19:23-30

 Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘Truly I tell you, it will be hard for a rich person to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.’ When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astounded and said, ‘Then who can be saved?’ But Jesus looked at them and said, ‘For mortals it is impossible, but for God all things are possible.’

 Then Peter said in reply, ‘Look, we have left everything and followed you. What then will we have?’ Jesus said to them, ‘Truly I tell you, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man is seated on the throne of his glory, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold, and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.

Constant conversion

       This passage speaks of a stiff necked people, of the actions of humans being repetitive, how prophets are killed and not listened to, not respected.  All one need do is open a newspaper, listen to TV and see how we seem doomed to repeat history. How many faults of our fathers have we willingly accepted or overlooked in ourselves with gusto, authority and arrogance.

        Supposedly the answer is to be 'born again'.  Still, we fall into many of our old ways, easily swayed into specious conclusions and errants actions 'in the name of God' and continue often without thought. We still are very much a stiff necked people.

         All these repetitive actions and errors we commit, the listening we do not do, the cover-up of the Roman church that we thought we were done with. What shall we do, be born again? Will that solve the problems now?  

       Like clothes that are not cleaned once and good forever more, we must be continually washed, continually be 'reborn'. The actions of the  'examen' are not a born again, but a daily born again, and again, and again, and again.  We are called to constant conversion of heart. We are called to constant self examination, self reflection and active repentance for our failures to act in the name we claim as our redeemer.  Saying words means virtually nothing. Are you born again? "How special" the church lady would say. 

        We are called to be constantly in the rinse  and wash cycle, ever renewed. Why? Because we are ever loved and our actions are the hands and ambassadors of Christ.

Acts 7:44-8:1

 ‘Our ancestors had the tent of testimony in the wilderness, as Goddirected when he spoke to Moses, ordering him to make it according to the pattern he had seen. Our ancestors in turn brought it in with Joshua when they dispossessed the nations that God drove out before our ancestors. And it was there until the time of David, who found favour with God and asked that he might find a dwelling-place for the house of Jacob.But it was Solomon who built a house for him. Yet the Most High does not dwell in houses made by human hands; as the prophet says, 
“Heaven is my throne,
   and the earth is my footstool.
What kind of house will you build for me, says the Lord,
   or what is the place of my rest? 
Did not my hand make all these things?”

 ‘You stiff-necked people, uncircumcised in heart and ears, you are for ever opposing the Holy Spirit, just as your ancestors used to do. Which of the prophets did your ancestors not persecute? They killed those who foretold the coming of the Righteous One, and now you have become his betrayers and murderers. You are the ones that received the law as ordained by angels, and yet you have not kept it.’

 When they heard these things, they became enraged and ground their teeth at Stephen. But filled with the Holy Spirit, he gazed into heaven and saw the glory of God and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. ‘Look,’ he said, ‘I see the heavens opened and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God!’ But they covered their ears, and with a loud shout all rushed together against him. Then they dragged him out of the city and began to stone him; and the witnesses laid their coats at the feet of a young man named Saul. While they were stoning Stephen, he prayed, ‘Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.’ Then he knelt down and cried out in a loud voice, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them.’ When he had said this, he died. And Saul approved of their killing him.

That day a severe persecution began against the church in Jerusalem, and all except the apostles were scattered throughout the countryside of Judea and Samaria.

No need to steal

       It always amazes me ( yes, praise Jesus! ), at the realness of the scenarios the Gospel stories convey.  How would you approach a cure for yourself or perhaps more so, a loved one? The cure is so close you could touch it! What if you could touch it? What would you do, to what lengths would you go?  Of course your mind probably went to cancer or some other seemingly hopeless disease. What would you do in the presence of a cure?

       The woman in today's Scripture passage knows because her faith tells her so, she knows that her only and real possibility for healing is in Jesus Christ. She has endured all the other human possibilities. She didn't just pray, she also paid. She paid and endured for years, doctors, tests, diagnoses.  But as with anything, we do our best, whatever we can do, then leave it to God who is the ultimate and true healer. So, desperate, she reaches out to touch Jesus, a stolen brush of her hand. He'll never know. Except he does.

        The real gotcha here is that Jesus knows and most importantly for us ( besides the healing ) is that Jesus understands.  In tears she weeps because she has stolen a cure from the power of our Lord. Jesus stops and looks at her and says as much as ' I understand'.  Your faith is true and I love you.  Go now and be well. 

         All I can do is think of whatever illness or whatever sin, however horrible, that you or I could possibly commit, any mortal sin, and Jesus will forgive us and cure us. That is if we do so much to help ourselves and have faith in God. That is a real start. Maybe it is the whole journey for us. We try to help ourselves, we do, we pray and ultimately leave it in God's hands. No need for stealing. 

Mark 5:25-34

Now there was a woman who had been suffering from haemorrhages for twelve years. She had endured much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had; and she was no better, but rather grew worse. She had heard about Jesus, and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, for she said, ‘If I but touch his clothes, I will be made well.’ Immediately her haemorrhage stopped; and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. Immediately aware that power had gone forth from him, Jesus turned about in the crowd and said, ‘Who touched my clothes?’ And his disciples said to him, ‘You see the crowd pressing in on you; how can you say, “Who touched me?” ’ He looked all round to see who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling, fell down before him, and told him the whole truth. He said to her, ‘Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.’

Long awaited love

       I like to think I am a patient person. Let's look at my husband and me.  In the moment, patience is not his forte. Myself, I have a peace of mind and philosophical view that allows me the time to wait for an answer. Perhaps it was the children I raised, it has a way of making one patient, or trying it! 

      But on another level, let's look at the patience we had in finding each other. He worked and I worked. I searched for God and served, He searched for the correct garments (worldwide for business) and it would seem never would we meet. We were each in our own world, yearning for wholeness that seemed a million miles away.  Perhaps patience gave way to resignation in some ways yet I know we both yearned for the wholeness of self acceptance and the wholeness of acceptance by another, mushy,  glorious love.

      So when I wake up a bit groggy from a nice nights sleep and I try to delve into today's passages from Scripture, all I get is to the part about 40 years. I mean I am really impatient for the lesson this morning and I can't get far beyond the 40 years noted in line one. Talk of impatience! But I cannot escape the notion of time and waiting for an answer.  How long did Saint Monica wait for the conversion of her son that she prayed so hard for? The answer by all accounts was 17 years. I prayed for my entire life and while I continue to do so, it was not until about the age of 50 that I was graced with the revelation and gift that I am gay. That is a long time hiding in a closet that I didn't even realize I was in! But I prayed and yearned to be close to God and her godliness, to be at peace and whole as I had been created to be.  Looking back now, so many things seem obvious, one of which is the patience.

        My patience in my own way and my most beloved husband's patience in his world was rewarded by the unlikely meeting that brought us together. God does work in mysterious ways and answers prayers in ways we could never imagine. I am not sure how I would have responded at age 10 if I had been told, 'wait forty years', then you will find peace, fulfillment and love. The answer is of course is patience but more a willingness to be open to God's plan versus our own often carefully crafted, if not crafty plans. We must have a willingness and openness to God's plans that often lay like easter eggs in the big game of life. 

         Patience is a hard virtue to uphold if you perceive the time of waiting. Patience is easy and timeless when you focus on what is the ultimate gift, loving and God's love for us.  While hubby and I are still tempted to ponder what it would have been like had we met earlier in life, we know that the real answer is to love more now. Enjoy and be thankful for the time we are graced with now. Patience seems irrelevant now that we are united in love. We are now living Gods love as example to others and as a gift to us.

       Praise God for the glorious wait, my husband has been worth waiting for.

Acts 7:30-43

 ‘Now when forty years had passed, an angel appeared to him in the wilderness of Mount Sinai, in the flame of a burning bush. When Moses saw it, he was amazed at the sight; and as he approached to look, there came the voice of the Lord: “I am the God of your ancestors, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.” Moses began to tremble and did not dare to look. Then the Lord said to him, “Take off the sandals from your feet, for the place where you are standing is holy ground. I have surely seen the mistreatment of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their groaning, and I have come down to rescue them. Come now, I will send you to Egypt.”

 ‘It was this Moses whom they rejected when they said, “Who made you a ruler and a judge?” and whom God now sent as both ruler and liberator through the angel who appeared to him in the bush. He led them out, having performed wonders and signs in Egypt, at the Red Sea, and in the wilderness for forty years. This is the Moses who said to the Israelites, “God will raise up a prophet for you from your own people as he raised me up.” He is the one who was in the congregation in the wilderness with the angel who spoke to him at Mount Sinai, and with our ancestors; and he received living oracles to give to us. Our ancestors were unwilling to obey him; instead, they pushed him aside, and in their hearts they turned back to Egypt, saying to Aaron, “Make gods for us who will lead the way for us; as for this Moses who led us out from the land of Egypt, we do not know what has happened to him.” At that time they made a calf, offered a sacrifice to the idol, and revelled in the works of their hands. But God turned away from them and handed them over to worship the host of heaven, as it is written in the book of the prophets:
“Did you offer to me slain victims and sacrifices
   for forty years in the wilderness, O house of Israel? 
No; you took along the tent of Moloch,
   and the star of your god Rephan,
     the images that you made to worship;
so I will remove you beyond Babylon.”

Moses

       So this is new ground from me. While I espouse the wisdom of any religion ( sans rules and rubrics ), I was compelled to take a selection from the Qur'an inspired by a coworker with whom I blessed to share an occasional discussion on faith.

        This selection of Sacred Scripture speaks of Moses, yes, thee Moses, the one we would recognize from Hebrew Scripture. You should really be aware of the connection and if you don't already, be sure to Google it at least. Here is a perfect prayer by Moses.

         Recognition of God.  Recognition that I am in need and that God is the only source of fulfillment of our needs.  Further, nothing specific and trust that God knows what it is we need and God will supply it.  How often  Have we ever prayed without asking for something specific? That is, we always seem to know what we want. Could we embrace the concept of thanksgiving for what we have and ask for whatever it is that God sees we need? No specifics from us. Let God take the wheel.

       One verse from the Qur'an and it is loaded with everything that speaks truth. We have praise, trust and acknowledgment of our need for God. Remember, God does not need us.  God wants us because we are the beloved children.  God's greatest wish is for mutual love and for us to be fulfilled as God made us.

Qur'an, Al-Qasas, Surah 28:24

So he [Moses] watered their flock for them. Then he retired into the shade and said, "My Lord, I stand in desperate need of whatever blessings You may send down for me."

Of Samaritans and Sunnis

       I am not sure how to say this next thing and make sense of it.  It speaks to  a cognitive dissonance and irrationality in our human behavior.  But here goes, I am not sure we can underestimate the loathing and feelings of superiority that most Jews felt for Samaritans. Take particular note that Samaritans were Jews themselves. It was God that gave these Samaritans, via Jacob, the very well at which Jesus and this woman meet.  How peculiar how we treat each other. The arrogance , feelings of superiority. The looking down upon people that we do. It is not unlike the irony of Shia and Sunni in Islam, both Muslim but the relations are strained at best.

         This passage just highlights once again Jesus and his rebellious, all inclusive nature. The Jews looked down heavily on Samaritans but yet Jesus has no problem speaking to this woman and further, spends several days in their community to boot.  Clearly, Jesus does not look down on these people. 

     I find it intriguing, what is the basis for so much of our own snootiness? The north looks down on the south. There are Canadians that look down on people from Newfoundland, calling them "Newfies" as perhaps their equivalent of rednecks.  I'd beg to differ just based on the play Come From Away.  I am sure there is a world of answers as to whom we all look down upon, religions, nations, ethnicities, races, sexual orientations.

      Is that what we have been taught?  Is this what religion teaches? Aren't the Scriptures witnessing to another lesson altogether?  If we cannot accept people based on the fact that they are children of God, can we at least try to educate ourselves into the differences but the more so the multitude of similarities we all have?  Do we all not love? Bleed? Are we not all called to God or some higher power and authority no matter what we call it? 

        Strike up a conversation with someone different, listen with an open hear not just hearing words with our ears. Spend time listening as Jesus did. 

        Know this, Jesus is still listening. 

John 4:27-42

 Just then his disciples came. They were astonished that he was speaking with a woman, but no one said, ‘What do you want?’ or, ‘Why are you speaking with her?’ Then the woman left her water-jar and went back to the city. She said to the people, ‘Come and see a man who told me everything I have ever done! He cannot be the Messiah, can he?’ They left the city and were on their way to him.

 Meanwhile the disciples were urging him, ‘Rabbi, eat something.’ But he said to them, ‘I have food to eat that you do not know about.’ So the disciples said to one another, ‘Surely no one has brought him something to eat?’ Jesus said to them, ‘My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to complete his work. Do you not say, “Four months more, then comes the harvest”? But I tell you, look around you, and see how the fields are ripe for harvesting. The reaper is already receiving wages and is gathering fruit for eternal life, so that sower and reaper may rejoice together. For here the saying holds true, “One sows and another reaps.” I sent you to reap that for which you did not labour. Others have laboured, and you have entered into their labour.’

 Many Samaritans from that city believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, ‘He told me everything I have ever done.’ So when the Samaritans came to him, they asked him to stay with them; and he stayed there for two days. And many more believed because of his word.They said to the woman, ‘It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is truly the Saviour of the world.’