Decision time

Mark 1:35-38

         For several years before my ordination and again afterwards, I saw a Dominican Priest regularly as my spiritual director. He was a guide, a mentor and a motivator. One of the things that I learned and remains with me today is that if you are serious about your prayer life and relationship with God, you have to set aside the time. You have to make the time.

        In those early days, I worked a demanding job and had odd hours. I would wake at 3am and return home at about 2:30 or 3. I would nap, get up, do laundry, clean, cook, eat with the family and almost immediately I would be off to sleep. There didn't seem to be a lot of wiggle room in there for prayer other than those prayers we might utter and offer up all day long as we work, drive or whatever.

Eventually I realized the only time I had is the time before work and that meant getting up even earlier. One thing though, it is rather quiet at 2am and it is very dark. I continue that tradition today, it is SOP for me to get up at 3am to pray, meditate and blog. Some of you may have taken note of the publishing times for this blog. Except weekends, it is rather early in the morning.

          Most days I get up it is pitch black outside. If the weather is good and conditions right, I can see the mainland in the distance, a few twinkling lights and perhaps a fishing boat that seems to like the waters out beyond our bluffs.  This is my deserted place and my time to devote to very personal and dedicated prayer.

           Many will not aspire to such a formula even though it is almost always like a moment of  Zen when I wake up. I am keenly aware of all of my blessings, the handsome husband sound asleep and the cat who lifts his head a bit as if to say good morning in a mild nod of recognition. 

          Even though that may seem light years away to some it is none the less what we are called to do in one form or another. Perhaps for you it may be time in a park or during a silent walk at lunch. Whatever your choice is in search of God and an increased relationship with our creator, a decision does need to be made. Relationships always require commitment and time. Start small perhaps but make the decision to pray. Anything that you find prayerful and helpful.  I was never one that liked the rosary but any kind of prayer will do. Just some time to listen in silence is a wonderful gift to you and God.

In the morning, while it was still very dark, he got up and went out to a deserted place, and there he prayed. And Simon and his companions hunted for him. When they found him, they said to him, ‘Everyone is searching for you.’ He answered, ‘Let us go on to the neighbouring towns, so that I may proclaim the message there also; for that is what I came out to do.’

Cunning linguists

2 Corinthians 4:1-4

          So, the title is perhaps a bit misleading but this passage notes that we refuse to practise cunning or to falsify God’s word. We are always graced by God's mercy, so it is terribly wrong to try and manipulate Holy Scripture, create man made laws that bind people or try to make ourselves look holier than someone else.

        I am an strong advocate of reading scripture with great clarity. Looking at passages with the eyes of the people at the time, their original language, their philosophy and the social context. It brings scripture alive. It also leaves less room for cherry picking scriptures to fit our own agenda or to justify our own lives or practices of faith.  For millennia Scripture has been mistranslated, misinterpreted, misused and sworn by. When that fails you can then bolster your position with spurious arguments, old philosophies and 'tradition'. This is not the path to holiness for anyone.  This is cunning and this is falsifying God's word. To what end? Maintenance of power? Setting yourself up as holier and more righteous than others?

         It is necessary to read Scripture in simplicity and simultaneously understanding the depths and richness of its cultural context. What is really necessary to be faithful and holy is to love as Jesus loved and obey the two great commandments that Jesus gave.  All the rest are stories and background information of faithful people and faithful lives, stories of a love story of God and her people.

         For some, being a cunning linguist seems a natural and perfectly acceptable way to holiness. In truth, holiness comes from mercy, faith, hope and love.

Therefore, since it is by God’s mercy that we are engaged in this ministry, we do not lose heart. We have renounced the shameful things that one hides; we refuse to practise cunning or to falsify God’s word; but by the open statement of the truth we commend ourselves to the conscience of everyone in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

Picking at scabs

2 Corinthians 3:1-9,18

           Can you recall a time when you had a scab? Not necessarily a skinned knee like the times of our youth but some nick or such that caused a small scab to form. On several occasions in my life I have found some need, as if an itch, to scratch the scab to the point I wind up bleeding again. You look down and there's a small trail of bleed running down your arm or leg. I suppose it is embarrassing. We are picking scabs and we are not allowing things to heal.

          Oddly enough, this is what I came to mind with this passage. I think of people whom I have known, good faithful men and women who I have shared  deep spiritual blessings with. I think of  the times of sorrow shared, deep service shared, joys experienced and all the things that seals relationships and allows you to see what a person is truly made of.  It bothers me so that some of these people that I have felt needed no recommendations, that I felt I knew and loved deeply, abandoned me in my time of trial. And again, this is embarrassing to me because the hurt caused by seemingly good people of faith is something I allow to still bother me like a scab I have picked and let bleed all over again.

           There is probably no closer a time outside of marriage and perhaps more than family when you share spiritual formation and service with your fellow seminarians. You see the good the bad and you love and support them. You serve under trying times, study and witness to each other. You minister to each other when tragedy strikes. You are always there for them.

         When I realized I was gay, came out and asked for a leave of absence from my ministry, I found that almost universally, these good people abandoned me.  It's as if I would indeed now need a recommendation of the highest order to be readmitted to the circle of Catholic exclusivity and honor. No one called, no one asked, no one sent a card or text. My phone number hasn't changed.  I was anathema in one fell swoop. 

         I do not mention this as an embarrassment to them for not living the faithful loving lives that they have been called to or claim is theirs. That may be true. I am however embarrassed at myself for allowing this passage to remind me of an old scab and what do I do? I pick the scab and let it bleed.

         The message here is not to do this. We will be hurt by others' poor choices and mistakes our whole lives. We cannot expect others to act in a perfect manner when we ourselves are not capable of as much. Can we forgive and forget? That is what is needed. Picking scabs and revisiting hurt stops you from moving forward and pursuing your own journey to wholeness.

        It's not so much that we should ever really shake the dust off our shoes and simply forget people ever existed in our lives. I am not saying that. It seems to me that is what some people have done to me. What we are called to do is forgive and appreciate that love that really did exist and was genuine and expressive of the best of our life and recognize it as formative and part of our journey. Dwell on the love and the journey, never the hurt. Picking scabs is no good for anyone and it leaves you scarred. 

          

Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Surely we do not need, as some do, letters of recommendation to you or from you, do we? You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, to be known and read by all; and you show that you are a letter of Christ, prepared by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.

Such is the confidence that we have through Christ towards God. Not that we are competent of ourselves to claim anything as coming from us; our competence is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of letter but of spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

Now if the ministry of death, chiselled in letters on stone tablets, came in glory so that the people of Israel could not gaze at Moses’ face because of the glory of his face, a glory now set aside, how much more will the ministry of the Spirit come in glory? For if there was glory in the ministry of condemnation, much more does the ministry of justification abound in glory! And all of us, with unveiled faces, seeing the glory of the Lord as though reflected in a mirror, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord, the Spirit.

I will ______ will not________ attend

John 1:1-18

           Philip Seymour Hoffman was an American actor and director, he died February 2, 2014 of an 'accidental' overdose. He left his substantial fortune to the mother of his children. It is purported that his intention was to be sure his children were cared for but that they would not become 'trust fund children'. These children would be loved and cared for but not given a guarantee of income or wealth. These kids would grow up having to make something of themselves. Kudo's Philip. This same idea is carried through with Gloria Vanderbilt's son , Anderson Cooper. He too was not guaranteed anything from the Vanderbilt fortune, he had to make it on his own. Kudo's Anderson.

             This is one of the messages I am getting from this passage today.  God came to earth as Jesus, to his own people who were supposed to be the heirs to the kingdom. In God's all encompassing love, the message is given to all of humanity. Perhaps it is guaranteed to us all but I imagine what this passage is saying is that we must accept it. I doubt God will hold any one of us accountable if we have not received this message of love but to those who have been so informed, we are asked to accept it or turn it down. I would not want to get into dogmatic arguments over what the word 'accepting' means by denomination or by specific religions, they are all human conventions, human inventions. But we must respond to God's call, his invitation to love and as heirs to the kingdom.

        So it is entirely up to each and every one of us to respond to God's call. We are all unique and all respond differently. We are all on different journeys. This is the beauty of God's creation, so diverse and so incomprehensibly beautiful.  We cannot see the entire landscape, the entirety of God's vision and plan. All we are asked to do is respond to the invitation and show a willingness or a desire to participate.

              

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through him, and without him not one thing came into being. What has come into being in him was life, and the life was the light of all people. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.

There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. He came as a witness to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him. He himself was not the light, but he came to testify to the light. The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world.

10 He was in the world, and the world came into being through him; yet the world did not know him. He came to what was his own, and his own people did not accept him. But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God, who were born, not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God.

And the Word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory as of a father’s only son, full of grace and truth. (John testified to him and cried out, ‘This was he of whom I said, “He who comes after me ranks ahead of me because he was before me.” ’) From his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. The law indeed was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God. It is God the only Son, who is close to the Father’s heart, who has made him known. 

The Bifurcators

Mark 3:20-30

          This passage started me to thinking about people who stand against themselves. A very personal 'house divided' if you will. I would call them the Bifurcators and there many examples in society.  These are people who have a managed form of a split personality. They live secret lives that are often diametrically opposed. The politician who is virulently anti-gay and who happens to be gay himself. A priest who has taken a vow of celibacy and is not allowed to marry (in the Roman church) and yet has a lover on the side, perhaps even a family and children. But the example that hits home most for me is being gay and being in the closet.

            I am happy to see the advances the gay community is making. There was a picture on FaceBook a few months back of gay couples at their senior proms. How wonderful for these young people. Compare that to the likes of me who denied his own sexuality for almost 50 years.  A mix of societal pressures of the time and horrific religious beliefs perpetuated by millennia of homophobia and errant scriptural exegesis helped me deny at all costs who I was. This was even as the clues and signs were all there. I simply say I was a good Catholic boy.

             But the worst of all scenarios I think are the people who live in the closet. They know they are gay and for many reasons do not come out. They live bifurcated lives as if it is some form of manageable schizophrenia. There are great problems with this way of living. For one it involves intense denials of yourself. You cannot be the person God created you to be in an open, free and forthright manner.  This creates a self loathing that is intensely unhealthy. The dishonesty that is involved with a double life is one that cannot help but follow you into both realms of your existence.  It becomes very easy to lie and you have got to begin to believe those lies in one way or another. It is just unhealthy. 

                As faithful people we are called to be the best and most loving person God created us to be. We are not supposed to deny who we are. We are not supposed to boast either but it may seem that way to some. When you are held down and closeted you have such extreme joy at your liberation that celebration is a natural bi product.  I was recounting the other day with an in-law the day I pulled him aside and told him I was asking my wife for a divorce. Another important point I noted was that I am gay. This family member recalled the joy and peace I had at my announcement.  I have not lost that feeling. I am forever grateful and joyful that I am gay. This is a gift from God and an even bigger gift to be able to express it. Bigger still is the blessing of my husband to share the rest of my life with. Once I knew I was gay I knew I could not move forward living a bifurcated life. Out of respect for myself, my (ex) wife and my (ex) church, I had to come out. 

              I could not live two lives. I do not believe God wants anyone to live that way. It is a shame that the church of my youth whom I had the respect to tell does not have the same respect for me.  So no matter what, you must respect yourself and live a life of 'out' love that God wants and intended you to live - assuming you are gay. In general, be whom God created you to be. Be true to yourself and never live that bifurcated life

and the crowd came together again, so that they could not even eat. When his family heard it, they went out to restrain him, for people were saying, ‘He has gone out of his mind.’ And the scribes who came down from Jerusalem said, ‘He has Beelzebul, and by the ruler of the demons he casts out demons.’ And he called them to him, and spoke to them in parables, ‘How can Satan cast out Satan? If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. And if a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. And if Satan has risen up against himself and is divided, he cannot stand, but his end has come. But no one can enter a strong man’s house and plunder his property without first tying up the strong man; then indeed the house can be plundered.

‘Truly I tell you, people will be forgiven for their sins and whatever blasphemies they utter; but whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit can never have forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin’— for they had said, ‘He has an unclean spirit.’

Preferences: I did it my way

John 3:1-15

             I think I know a little bit about  being set in one's ways. Not crotchety mind you, but we all have our way of doing things. Even if we recognize in our wisdom that there are many ways to do something, we still have our own way. We may even joke that there are many ways to do something and then there is the correct way, my way! So I am sure it would not take much of an imagination to think of what happened when two 50ish men (my husband and I)  met and decided to set up housekeeping together. Perhaps in some cases it would seem better suited as a comedy like The Odd Couple. It's a good thing for us that each of knows the magnitude of the graces we have in each other. Finding each other at our age is priceless and a true gift from God not to be wasted on the likes of such trivialities as how things get done. The joy is living life together, not in the minutia.

             So in this passage today, Jesus says to Nicodemus ‘Are you a teacher of Israel, and yet you do not understand these things? Jesus is incredulous that this man of faith doesn't get the real message. Nicodemus is what we think of as a typical Pharisee, more concerned with the law that with the message. No matter who we are though and in whatever situation, religious, secular, at home or on the road, we all have our little preferences. Each religion has 'their' preferences, interpretations of scripture and of course it is the 'correct' interpretation.  We really do get hung up on some of this stuff.  The extent to which it obscures the actual message is what Jesus was speaking of. 

           So you claim you are a Christian? So how is it that you can turn away children at your border?  You claim to be religious, people of God, how is it that you can use Gods very name as the basis for killing, firing missiles, Jihad, revenge, Inquisitions and vile hate speech? I can see Jesus scratching his head and I can see God crying at such nonsense.

            What is the message? What is it that we are supposed to get from all our Scripture study, prayers and faith? What good is centering prayer (or any kind of prayer ) when we go out and argue about the real trivialities of life?

            Mind you, I'm not arguing about perfection. We are all imperfect and all sinners. I have made more than my share of mistakes while trying to be faithful. I am a sinner. But if we grasp the message of faith, if we grasp the message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we won't stray to the lengths that we seem to to in our personal lives, as religions or as nations. 

         This focus on minutia and 'my way' is myopic. The only way we will change is to see the diversity of God's creation. We have to see and know that there are many ways to see something, many ways to do something. There are many religions that express the same truth just from a different vantage point.  In focusing on minutia in any situation we will never be able to come to terms with each other and truly love. When we focus on minutia, that becomes our religion. 

Now there was a Pharisee named Nicodemus, a leader of the Jews. He came to Jesus by night and said to him, ‘Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God; for no one can do these signs that you do apart from the presence of God.’ Jesus answered him, ‘Very truly, I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God without being born from above.’ Nicodemus said to him, ‘How can anyone be born after having grown old? Can one enter a second time into the mother’s womb and be born?’ Jesus answered, ‘Very truly, I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God without being born of water and Spirit. What is born of the flesh is flesh, and what is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not be astonished that I said to you, “You must be born from above.  The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.’ Nicodemus said to him, ‘How can these things be?’ Jesus answered him, ‘Are you a teacher of Israel, and yet you do not understand these things?

‘Very truly, I tell you, we speak of what we know and testify to what we have seen; yet you do not receive our testimony. If I have told you about earthly things and you do not believe, how can you believe if I tell you about heavenly things? No one has ascended into heaven except the one who descended from heaven, the Son of Man. And just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life.

Bust it wide open

Matthew 13:54-58

           I love where I work, you may know that already. It is a statistical outlier for a government facility. Our work is collaborative and there is a culture of always striving to do better. A news flash came across my desk just yesterday that an independent health care monitor rated us as 96, our highest rating ever even though we have been #1 in the nation for years. How do we do this?

          The answer is in today's scripture passage. When we have a problem or an issue at work we get everyone together, every discipline from doctors, nursing, pharmacy, housekeeping and maintenance to discuss, brainstorm and try to come up with a solution. Sometimes this is in an actual meeting, it could be over coffee or in something much more in depth such as 'deep dive', a phrase that has gotten more and more attention. The goal is to find a solution but to see all the parts of the equation and not minimize anything or anyone. Not minimizing anyone, that to me is the key. You never know who will have the answer. Higher eduction does not always equate with wisdom or street smarts. Our head of housekeeping himself is somewhat of a zen master. His wisdom and centeredness contributes greatly in  attitude as well as hands on solutions. No one is minimized. 

         The converse is prevalent elsewhere. When there is a problem, someone gets blamed. You have a gathering of the 'greatest minds' or those perceived to be so by title or degree. I can't tell you how often that kind of meeting misses the mark wildly.

          It is the lowly carpenter, the local 'boy' that is preaching in the synagogue and astounding everyone. People are having trouble believing what they are hearing. Isn't this Mary's son? He a freek'n carpenter! What gives?

          How often are we presented with people or situations which we make snap judgements about. We dismiss someone because they are a women, black, gay, poor. We'd invite someone of Asian descent int a group if we thought math was involved.  Perhaps we'd invite someone we thought is Jewish if we were looking at cost savings.

       This all comes down to assumptions and worse, bigotry and arrogance. We are not open to the possibilities in others and so as a consequence we often fail to see the possibilities in ourselves and for ourselves. 

         If a carpenter can change the world and save it, what other assumptions should we be looking to bust wide open?

He came to his home town and began to teach the people in their synagogue, so that they were astounded and said, ‘Where did this man get this wisdom and these deeds of power? Is not this the carpenter’s son? Is not his mother called Mary? And are not his brothers James and Joseph and Simon and Judas? And are not all his sisters with us? Where then did this man get all this?’ And they took offence at him. But Jesus said to them, ‘Prophets are not without honour except in their own country and in their own house.’ And he did not do many deeds of power there, because of their unbelief.