Praying for Wisdom

Psalm 119:33-40

          When you look back at your life it's funny the things that you can see. This is a bit of the honest self reflection that I often speak of.  The funniest thing looking back was of course not realizing I was gay. The signs were as clear as day. OMG my friends, OMG!  But when I look back I also see the challenges that I had with trying to be more spiritual and balancing that with things of the world. That is, material things.  I don't know how much more of my journey in life I have ahead of me but I seem light years from the naivete of my earlier years.

           In case you were not aware I love cars and everything car related. I have had quite a varied stable over the years. One vehicle that I simply had to have was oddly enough a van. This was the van of vans. It wasn't a high topped curtained living room on wheels but it was the absolute top of the line. All wheel drive, every option was checked off. I had convinced myself that it was logical, I deserved it and I could use it for some very good purposes - like taking my mom on day trips from the nursing home.

        So parked in my driveway was this extremely expensive toy. As it turns out, it was very illogical. The payments were so high I could barely afford gas. My Mom, who professed to want to come home had grown accustomed to her new surroundings and was stricken with an almost panic when we removed her from her now comfortable surroundings. 

         You could say there were many flaws in the basis for my decision to buy this super-van but in truth I think it comes down to a lack of wisdom. I was reminded of all this from today's selection from the Psalms. So often we pray for specific things without understanding or the wisdom to appreciate what we are truly asking for. Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart.  

         As adults we know full well the practicalities of life. When a young boy asks for real live M1-Abrams tank for his birthday or a pet horse when they live in a 2 bedroom walk up in Manhattan, the parents are sure to see the folly and ridiculousness of such requests. Somewhere along the line though we often fail to see how ridiculous we are. We pray for unrealistic things. But more importantly, we fail to have the wisdom to see our own folly. We fail to see that what we should perhaps be asking for is to do what we can do (for ourselves) and leave the rest in God's hands. We should pray for wisdom.

    In almost all things, as the Psalmist writes, we should pray less for the specific and more for knowledge, understanding and most of all, wisdom.

Teach me, O LORD, the way of your statutes, and I will observe it to the end.

Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart.

Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it.

Turn my heart to your decrees, and not to selfish gain.

Turn my eyes from looking at vanities; give me life in your ways.

Confirm to your servant your promise, which is for those who fear you.

Turn away the disgrace that I dread, for your ordinances are good.

See, I have longed for your precepts; in your righteousness give me life.