Dying to the closet

John 12:24-28

          It seems the summer has almost come and gone with the a bit of summer trying to hang on in the way of heat and humidity that we were actually spared for most of the summer.  Autumn seems like a magical time. Nature puts on a magnificent show even as the leaves indicate a death of sorts and a preparation for the darkness of winter.  Still in this dying there is a harvest that beckons good hearty meals and an opportunity to be thankful for all we have been graced with. There is a lot to be said about this dying (and rising stuff).  It is all about life itself, it is about the core of our faith.  The very first line of today's passage says everything about life, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

          The fact of death and rebirth is a constant for us. The seasons certainly show us the way, a universal guide given by God to all mankind. We grow and mature as people come in to our lives and leave (die) and we are the better for knowing people (both good and bad) and for all that they teach us. Others become part of who we are. On an even more personal level we must constantly die to ourselves and are reborn constantly as we aim to be all we are made to be, to reach wholeness, happiness and our destiny with divinity and infinity.

          In our dying and rising, I could not help see a parallel to being gay, closeted and 'out'.  Those  who remain closeted are trying very hard to survive as best they can. At least that is what I imagine. I try not to think that people are too lazy to be honest or that they want to have the best of both worlds while denying their true essence and losing their true life in the process.   Those who remain in the closet to 'save their life' wind up living a horrible existence and a miserable death. They are neither here nor there, they are in limbo. They foster a sense of self loathing in their deceit and denial of who they truly are. In this respect, those who try to save their life really die a miserable death. The closet is a horrible place to live. The active goal of every (gay) person should be an active effort to come out into the light of day - to come out of the closet.

        When you die to the closet you gain self respect and new life. How joyous to live out and proud! How joyous to die to the closet and burst forth like a butterfly from a cocoon beautiful and rainbow-esque, celebrating the life God has graced you with. 

        There is much to be said about dying and rising. Dying as a single grain of wheat but bursting forth bearing fruit in love of self, the ability to openly love others and enjoying the self respect God wishes us all to have.

Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am, there will my servant be also. Whoever serves me, the Father will honour.

‘Now my soul is troubled. And what should I say—“Father, save me from this hour”? No, it is for this reason that I have come to this hour. Father, glorify your name.’ Then a voice came from heaven, ‘I have glorified it, and I will glorify it again.’