For years now I have played a game. The prayer group I attended for many years focused on the upcoming week's Sunday readings. We discussed them at length, prayed and of course ate cake and drank coffee. I was always interested to see if the sermon on that upcoming Sunday had any relation to what we had discussed. In a similar way, I write my Sunday blog entry before sunrise as is my habit. I often wonder if the presider will come away with a similar message as I did. Yesterday I was completely shot down so I decided to revisit yesterdays passage in light of what the good Brother said.
I had written of seeing things new or differently and about the breaking of the bread. Our preacher spoke of things being hidden from sight by God intentionally until such time as we are ready to see. That is a fascinating idea, an idea I could not help but apply to my own life. Perhaps it is true of many people. It certainly seems as valid as anything I wrote.
As a light example I thought of going to all my son's tennis games so long ago. I did not understand any of it other than getting the ball over the net. Forget totally about getting the ball within certain lines and I was completely lost at scoring. It was all Greek to me. Fast forward 30 years and I am invited to take up tennis myself - for the first time. All of a sudden it all makes sense. Is it me? The teacher? What lifts the veil of ignorance that allows me to see what previously seemed unintelligible?
Not too many years ago at about 50, I began to realize I am gay. Looking back I am astounded that I could not see what clearly seems obvious in retrospect. I still recall telling someone dear to me that I was gay, their response was "it's about time". I wish they had told me but then, could I have seen it? I can explain so many reasons why I could not see it, good Catholic boy, married with kids, I rationalized and did whatever was mentally necessary to avoid admitting what some part of me knew or feared. When the time was ready it began to become clearer. With prayer, friends, therapy and strength, I was able to see it and say it out loud to myself.
The idea of not seeing until you are ready makes sense to me. There are those that have there eyes wide open and cannot see for one reason or another. There are people who cannot see because their eyes are wide shut. I am in no position to judge or say for anyone, perhaps not even myself. I know that I am a faithful and loving person, I harbor no ill, no malice and I try to be a truly good person. I believe my faithfulness and love were blessed and rewarded by God. I am now openly gay, have a wonderful family and as I said yesterday, an amazing husband. We celebrate 2 years of wedded bliss tomorrow.
All I can suggest is that the idea of being blinded is a well founded idea or 'take' on scripture. Our choice is to give life our all, to try to be faithful and loving and keep our eyes wide open as much as we can. In this way, we can say we tried and have no guilty feeling for those things which seem to elude us for whatever reason. Be grateful for what you have been graced with and be grateful for what you are given.
Now on that same day two of them were going to a village called Emmaus, about seven miles from Jerusalem,
and talking with each other about all these things that had happened.
While they were talking and discussing, Jesus himself came near and went with them,
but their eyes were kept from recognizing him.
And he said to them, "What are you discussing with each other while you walk along?" They stood still, looking sad.
Then one of them, whose name was Cleopas, answered him, "Are you the only stranger in Jerusalem who does not know the things that have taken place there in these days?"
He asked them, "What things?" They replied, "The things about Jesus of Nazareth, who was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people,
and how our chief priests and leaders handed him over to be condemned to death and crucified him.
But we had hoped that he was the one to redeem Israel. Yes, and besides all this, it is now the third day since these things took place.
Moreover, some women of our group astounded us. They were at the tomb early this morning,
and when they did not find his body there, they came back and told us that they had indeed seen a vision of angels who said that he was alive.
Some of those who were with us went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said; but they did not see him."
Then he said to them, "Oh, how foolish you are, and how slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have declared!
Was it not necessary that the Messiah should suffer these things and then enter into his glory?"
Then beginning with Moses and all the prophets, he interpreted to them the things about himself in all the scriptures.
As they came near the village to which they were going, he walked ahead as if he were going on.
But they urged him strongly, saying, "Stay with us, because it is almost evening and the day is now nearly over." So he went in to stay with them.
When he was at the table with them, he took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them.
Then their eyes were opened, and they recognized him; and he vanished from their sight.
They said to each other, "Were not our hearts burning within us while he was talking to us on the road, while he was opening the scriptures to us?"
That same hour they got up and returned to Jerusalem; and they found the eleven and their companions gathered together.
They were saying, "The Lord has risen indeed, and he has appeared to Simon!"
Then they told what had happened on the road, and how he had been made known to them in the breaking of the bread.
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