The gay death

2 Corinthians 4:11-18

         I suppose you might think this is about AIDS as it is often considered a disease of the gay community. In fact it is shared by so many, straight and gay. For if ADS is spread by promiscuity, then the straight community and their lifestyle is equally at risk as the gay community and statistics are seeing a shift that bears that out. What once was a gay disease, then Haitian, Hemophiliacs and now, equal opportunity, woman and straight men too.

        But that is not the death I speak of, it is not the death of Scripture and it certainly is not the death of Jesus Christ that we share in. Jesus' death brought new life and we are considered Easter People for that reason. We have the promise of new life, eternal and we share in the inheritance of our Father.

         As such we are not only promised new life when we stop breathing. Dying and new life is a hallmark of our existence, whether we are Baptised Christians or Buddhists or Muslim or Jews. Dying and rising is part of who we are. It is born out in the Seasons we live with. It is born out in the Sacraments we live out as Christians. In Baptism we die to the death of Original Sin (if you believe that).  In the Sacraments we often wear white signify new life in Christ.

        On a day to day basis though we die and rise. Tell any man or woman who comes out of the closet about what dying is. We face the death of family and friends who may say goodbye, adios forever. We die to the self that hid ourselves and acted differently to not give away who we truly are. We die to that old self and rise to dignity, life and self respect. 

        How about as a married couple? We die to the notion that it is all about me. It is now all about "us". We gladly offer up many things for the sake of the other. It is not sacrifice, it is love. We die though to a selfishness that we may have had and a new life of two is born and flourishes. 

        Whenever we improve ourselves a new person is born and the old dies away. It is evident in nature and we emulate it every day in our lives. Dying and new life. Always around us, always with us, it is who we are.

         Sometimes we see death ad we legitimately ask why. Why? Why did Matthew Shepard die? Why did Harvey Milk die? Why did so many die needlessly from AIDS? Why, why, why? Of course we are not always privy to the secrets of the universe. Still, we can see glimpses of love and hope (new life) out of the ashes of the sorrow of Matthew. We can see a hope of new life for countless gay people that comes from the resolve and life giving strength of people like Harvey that stood up , came out, out and proud.  Out of death is new life, always.

          We don't wish death and we certainly don't seek death in it's finality. We do see growth. We do seek love and we do seek maturity. All requires some kind of personal  death and we appreciate it and honour it.

              

For while we live, we are always being given up to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus may be made visible in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.

But just as we have the same spirit of faith that is in accordance with scripture—‘I believed, and so I spoke’—we also believe, and so we speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus, and will bring us with you into his presence. Yes, everything is for your sake, so that grace, as it extends to more and more people, may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.

So we do not lose heart. Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory beyond all measure, because we look not at what can be seen but at what cannot be seen; for what can be seen is temporary, but what cannot be seen is eternal.

Ex Gay

Acts 26:1-23

            There is a cohort of people who seem to think that being gay is a choice. Certainly what you do as a gay person is a choice, that goes for anyone. But being gay? not so much. This cohort seems to think that you can pray the gay away and several people have gained fame and notoriety forming organizations that will help you stop being gay. Through a variety of methods these people, mostly by fanatical right wing Christians, try to force the gay out of you. Oddly enough they call it reparative. All of these methods have been proven wrong and in fact labelled as dangerous by such professionals as the American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Medical Association, the Royal College of Psychiatrists (UK), the Indian Psychiatric Society, the World Health Organisation as well as psychological societies of Hong Kong, China, Australia, The American Pediatric Association and well, need I go on?

         Bolstered by ignorance and a warped faith, this cohort continues to act on their rogue ideas at the expense of the LGBTQ community.  To me it is not unlike Paul from today's passage. Paul was a devout Jew who was guided to persecute the Christians who to him were basically errant Jews.  The LGBTQ community would be errant people I suppose.

        I am very happy to report that there are many major players in the ex-gay cohort that have realized the errors of their ways and the utter damage they have visited on good and decent human beings, created gay by our heavenly Father. Still others enraged by the movement of the Holy Spirit to have people actually see the decency in gay people....and grant them rights.....and give them marriage equality, have carried their agenda abroad and across the globe. Armed with lies, hate and misinformation they illegally promote foreign policy to nations and individuals that will listen. In so doing, like Paul before his conversion, they visit hatred and violence against people even to foreign cities. This should not be allowed. 

        At this point, all I can do aside from supporting legislation, information and living a decent life, is to pray for the conversion of hearts abroad and the movement of the Spirit in areas where hate reigns. Sadly these cohorts, as I have alluded to, have the backing of large religious organisations. This is so sad and I can surely see God crying at what is perpetuated as sure as he cried when the Romans perpetrated the crusades and the inquisition. None of this hate mongering is that far removed from each other. 

          The choice for the gay community like myself is to speak up, support change in any manner we can and to educate and convert people with our loving lives.

Agrippa said to Paul, ‘You have permission to speak for yourself.’ Then Paul stretched out his hand and began to defend himself:

‘I consider myself fortunate that it is before you, King Agrippa, I am to make my defence today against all the accusations of the Jews, because you are especially familiar with all the customs and controversies of the Jews; therefore I beg of you to listen to me patiently.

‘All the Jews know my way of life from my youth, a life spent from the beginning among my own people and in Jerusalem. They have known for a long time, if they are willing to testify, that I have belonged to the strictest sect of our religion and lived as a Pharisee. And now I stand here on trial on account of my hope in the promise made by God to our ancestors, a promise that our twelve tribes hope to attain, as they earnestly worship day and night. It is for this hope, your Excellency, that I am accused by Jews! Why is it thought incredible by any of you that God raises the dead?

‘Indeed, I myself was convinced that I ought to do many things against the name of Jesus of Nazareth. And that is what I did in Jerusalem; with authority received from the chief priests, I not only locked up many of the saints in prison, but I also cast my vote against them when they were being condemned to death. By punishing them often in all the synagogues I tried to force them to blaspheme; and since I was so furiously enraged at them, I pursued them even to foreign cities.

‘With this in mind, I was travelling to Damascus with the authority and commission of the chief priests, when at midday along the road, your Excellency, I saw a light from heaven, brighter than the sun, shining around me and my companions. When we had all fallen to the ground, I heard a voice saying to me in the Hebrew language, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? It hurts you to kick against the goads.” I asked, “Who are you, Lord?” The Lord answered, “I am Jesus whom you are persecuting. But get up and stand on your feet; for I have appeared to you for this purpose, to appoint you to serve and testify to the things in which you have seen me and to those in which I will appear to you. I will rescue you from your people and from the Gentiles—to whom I am sending you to open their eyes so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.” 

‘After that, King Agrippa, I was not disobedient to the heavenly vision, but declared first to those in Damascus, then in Jerusalem and throughout the countryside of Judea, and also to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God and do deeds consistent with repentance. For this reason the Jews seized me in the temple and tried to kill me. To this day I have had help from God, and so I stand here, testifying to both small and great, saying nothing but what the prophets and Moses said would take place: that the Messiah must suffer, and that, by being the first to rise from the dead, he would proclaim light both to our people and to the Gentiles.’

Living outside of the box. Conversion moments.

Matthew 15:21-28

          From time to time I have pondered when Jesus knew what he knew. Did he know as a child he was the son of God?  Was it the fullness of time that gave him the wisdom and knowledge or was it present from day one?

          In today's passage Jesus has somewhat of a conversion moment. Jesus was Jewish and Jesus died a Jew. He was not Christian. Here Jesus points out that he was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel. That eliminates whole groups of people, certainly Gentiles and for that matter, the rest of the world.

          At the same time Jesus professes who he has come for, he recognizes the faith of a non Jew. It seems as if a light has gone off and he recognizes the woman's faith.  There are many instances in Scripture where Jesus not only speaks to outcasts and those who would not fall into the category of even lost sheep, but proclaims them as saved and welcome in his fathers' kingdom.  In this sense Jesus was a revolutionary. Speaking to outcasts, women, lepers, touching them, loving them, curing them, welcoming them. I suppose it doesn't matter when Jesus knew what he knew, he talks the talk and walks the walk. His actions speak louder than any words ever could. 

           I spoke recently of a personal conversion moment when I went from avowed cat hater to cat and animal lover. The story is more complex that I told but the conversion was profound. In fact I still recall a brother of mine saying that he'd believe I was gay but he found it unbelievable that I loved cats! Conversions are like that sometimes. It's that old 2 by 4 that I often speak of that God whacks you with.

           Was it a bolt of lightening or God's 2 by 4 that knocked Paul off his horse and blinded him?  There is another conversion moment. In the case of Paul it resulted not only his conversion but cooperation with Jesus' plan whereby everyone can be saved, not just the Jews. More revolution!

           Hopefully we all have conversion moments. It happens a great deal to people who think (as opposed to listening to Fox News) and have open minds. People who live a bit outside their comfort zones and experience more of God's created world are more open to conversion.  It's not just thinking outside the box, it's living outside the box.

Jesus left that place and went away to the district of Tyre and Sidon. Just then a Canaanite woman from that region came out and started shouting, ‘Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is tormented by a demon.’ But he did not answer her at all. And his disciples came and urged him, saying, ‘Send her away, for she keeps shouting after us.’ He answered, ‘I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel.’ But she came and knelt before him, saying, ‘Lord, help me.’ He answered, ‘It is not fair to take the children’s food and throw it to the dogs.’ She said, ‘Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.’ Then Jesus answered her, ‘Woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish.’ And her daughter was healed instantly.

Our FATHER

Father

          In an effort to help the class understand, the deacon teaching our class tried to translate the word Jesus used when speaking to his Father. The word "Abba" is not an ordinary word for father.  Roughly translated, the word would be 'Daddy'.

           I was not graced with a father figure that conjured up images of Father Knows Best, Ozzie and Harriet or Make Room for Daddy. My parents separated when I was very young.  None the less my father loved me enormously. I would discover as much over the years and we would have a strong loving relationship for years before he passed. Some of my brothers did not have such a loving relationship. They were older and had 'witnessed it all'. They saw the arguments, the fighting and the drinking. The beatings continued apparently until he moved out. They were a bit scarred and I doubt that they would completely embrace the loving image of Abba (Daddy).  I presume many are similarly challenged. But for those who have been graced with the storybook version of 'Daddy' or can simply picture it from media or relatives, the image of a man who is nurturing, loving, strong and forgiving such as Daddy, we catch a glimpse of how Jesus really felt about his Father, our Father.

           I saw a note or ad campaign somewhere recently promoting fatherhood. I was the antithesis of the 'hit 'em and quit 'em' rule of life. It notes that anyone can make a baby. There are no special requirements, no license needed. But to be a father, that requires quite a bit more. It requires more than being there for more than the moment of conception. To be a father requires a full range of capabilities, commitment, emotions and strength. 

          I am not sure God is male or female but if God is a continuum like humans are, I believe God's male 'side' is the template for all that the best qualities of human fatherhood.  God did the deed in creating the world and has been loving us since day one. Enmeshed in our lives, intimately involved in who we are, how we love, supporting, nurturing, patient and a long, long list of adjectives that show just how much he loves each one of us. 

          As a meditation I am thinking it would be great to write all of the words down that express our image of Father ( God ). For some it will be a kaleidoscope of beautiful and loving words. For some there will be not so flattering words I am sure. I believe one of the attributes of our Father is that he can understand even our bad thoughts. In writing them down on paper, perhaps we can get a grasp of why we feel that way. Perhaps we can deal with those feelings. Perhaps offer them up to God. 

          

            
He was praying in a certain place, and after he had finished, one of his disciples said to him, ‘Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples.’ He said to them, ‘When you pray, say:

Father, hallowed be your name.

   Your kingdom come. 

Give us each day our daily bread. 

And forgive us our sins,

     for we ourselves forgive everyone indebted to us.

   And do not bring us to the time of trial.’

Living, loving, serving.

Romans 12:1-2,14-21

          I was speaking with a coworker the other day and discovered she too was a deacon in her church. While our churches were different denominations and our training varied, we both had some very important things in common. One was the belief that once you were ordained nothing could remove that designation from you. I always felt ordination was a formal recognition of what had already existed in you by persona and service. The other commonality we had was that we each were now in churches other than the one we had been ordained in. We discussed that at some length.

          Since neither one of us were now acting on our ministry in a specific way within our respective churches, my friend asked whether I thought we were being disobedient to God. Interesting question for sure. I don't believe we are being disobedient so much as discerning. We still live our lives as best we can in the circumstances we were each in. What the future holds is unknown. I do know God will always lead us in the right path if we listen and are intent on discerning our correct path. Too often people jump, looking for "a sign" and interpreting life with a very personal and often self serving lens. That is not what discernment is when we are speaking about our Godly missions.

           One thing I pointed out was the difference in my life after being ordained in the Roman church and my life now as a married man (married to another man who is Jewish - a double whammy according to the Roman church I am sure). In any event, I cannot conceive of going back to the frantic life I lived. My ministry was rushed, frantic and everyone suffered from me being stretched too thinly as I personally grew not so thinly (max wt: 302 pounds).  I suggested to my friend that perhaps my best and possibly my most meaningful ministry may be simply to love my husband and witness God's love to the world in that way. I still act in the holiest manner I can and try to be an outward example of God's love in our life.  Seems simple but it also seems incredibly powerful.  Someday I may discern more to do or even a different path of service but I am open to that. I also know I said yes to God once (in service in ordination) and I have no reason to believe I would say no on a second round. 

           Discerning is not so much watching for "a sign" as it is moving forward by living and always loving. God will lead the way in all important ways. And if I am not listening intently enough, as I have said before, if you don't listen when God taps you on the shoulder; have no doubt he/she will come back with a baseball bat to shake you up and let you know what you are being called to do.

          In the meantime my friend and I will live and love and in so doing discern what it is we are to do. Our mission may simply be to bloom where we have been planted, living, loving and serving.

I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ No, ‘if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

"Our" , us and them

Our

         It's not always easy to think about who "our" is.  It encompasses everyone on this planet (perhaps beyond), every being on this planet. Still we have a capacity to dismiss whole groups of people from our consciousness. We have the uncanny ability to diminish others as if they don't count. 

         It's the adult version of who "Daddy" ( Abba ) loves best.  If we diss our neighbors, our brothers or sisters, people we disagree with or people we deem "less than intelligent" we diminish God. God loves everyone, all creatures.  The fact that we can speak in a derogatory manner about people from the US south with redneck jokes, or how Canadians speak  demeaningly of people from New Found land as "Newfies" speaks to our attempts to make us seem better than them.  Can you imagine the scenario when some one disses your sister and you pummel the person?  'You can't say that about my sister!' Why do we feel we have the freedom to speak about others in such a demeaning way?

          When people speak in disgusting terms about the LGBTQ community, quite often people are defined by an action or a perceived action instead of as a person.  In spite of the fact that this is horrendously wrong, it fails to recognize the totality of the person. It fails to recognize the goodness of a person as created by God. It fails to recognize honest loving, committed relationships where specific acts have no meaning and have no basis for judgement.

            When I say "Our", how broad a spectrum comes to mind?

            When I was in the Seminary, we were taught about philosophy, souls and levels of creation. This dismissed the idea of animals having souls and thereby diminished and demeaned animals. At the time I was an avowed cat hater. Not that I would ever do anything evil, I just disliked cats. I now know I disliked the cat owners who took their responsibilities too lightly.  After a new friends cat died things changed for me. I become a bit more enlightened. This cat, a companion of 17 years died, leaving my friend devastated. He loved this cat. The cat was a companion more than many people are.  When I recognized this and when sometime later, I met my friends new adopted kitten, I fell in love. I am hopelessly smitten. I have come to see "Our" includes the face of God in the animal kingdom.  What love and what freedom to love! I see God's divine graces in the animals all around. The woodchucks in the fields, the pets, the deer grazing in the woods. The "Our" becomes quite expansive.

           I am charged to try and recognize the brotherhood in all of God's creation. How about you?

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be your name.

   Thy kingdom come, thy will be done,

on earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us each day our daily bread. 

And forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.

Save us from the time of trial,

 For thine is the kingdom , the power and the Glory. Amen

Time off to pray the Lord's prayer

Luke 11:1-4

         Growing up I never had a real attraction or comfort level with saying rote prayers such as the Hail Mary or the Our Father. I especially was not attracted to the Rosary. I always felt more compelled to carry on a conversation directly with God.  That doesn't mean I didn't say the prayers. It doesn't mean I said them lightly, with perhaps the exception of attending Catholic grammar school when I could rattle off 20 Hail Mary's in a blistering 30 seconds (as penance after confession).

          It wasn't until I learned more about the art of praying (perhaps in the Seminary) that I realized the value and possibilities of saying the Rosary even if I still didn't feel a connection to it.

          One thing that I did discover was the joy of meditative prayer. I have spent some time praying the Our Father over weeks or perhaps months. Meditating on each word with all of it's meanings, possibilities and hopes. 

         At the same time that I am going to suggest you do it ( as I am ), I am going to make you aware that I may not be making a blog entry every day now for the foreseeable future. I may get to write each day but I may not. You can always divert to my meditation of the Our Father in whatever form you choose. Today's passage offers one form. The Romans use one form, the Episcopalians a slightly different form. Find one you like, devour it, breath it, meditate over each word and savour it. 

         One of things I am thinking as I begin this anew is my intention to meditate and pray with a focus on being gay and what that means to me and how the Lord's prayer impacts my life or the life of the LGBTQ community. The Lord's prayer speaks loudly to each of us if we choose to listen.

He was praying in a certain place, and after he had finished, one of his disciples said to him, ‘Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples.’ He said to them, ‘When you pray, say:

Father, hallowed be your name.

   Your kingdom come. 

Give us each day our daily bread. 

And forgive us our sins,

     for we ourselves forgive everyone indebted to us.

   And do not bring us to the time of trial.’