Living in the past

Luke 9:57-62

            When I came the full realization that I am gay I was married (to a woman). After I sat down with my wife and explained the facts of the situation we decided  on a course of action to inform our families and most importantly, our two (adult) children.  Initially I would live at home as an emotional support to my wife who was as surprised as I was.  It was shocking to me that I didn't see it and it was shocking to her because she apparently also did not see it.  I stayed long enough for my soon to be ex wife to get really tired of seeing me around. She was adjusting. Still, we discussed getting together once a week for dinner or coffee. I mean it wasn't like I did not love her, it just did not seem fair to her to be married to gay man and it wasn't far to me either. ( This is where I started to really separate from what the Roman church would have had me do ). In any event it was all pie in the sky stuff, this dinner or coffee once a week even if there was no animosity and there was some.

            The moral to this short story is that you cannot, or at least should not, look back when you are trying to move forward. You cannot live in the past and try to make a new future. By all means I appreciated the life we had lived. There was love and the kids and a lot of fun times. But appreciating those memories and cherishing those memories is not the same as living in the past. You cannot live in the past and move forward. This is my take from the last line of today's passage.

       I consider it a blessing that I can appreciate a great many things without wailing, gnashing of teeth or lamenting over the past. The love of my parents is alive and well in my heart and memory even if though they have long passed. I still love many people that have died or simply moved on. Even cars that I cherished and loved, sport cars, Jeeps, vans; they all were a great deal of fun to own and drive but I do not weep at the fact that the are gone in the past. I still cherish them in my memories. In that respect the memories I have are still alive while I am free to create new memories, love new people and move forward. It in no way diminished what I have had or experienced. In fact the experiences make me richer and make me who I am today. 

         There is great fear and trepidation for many people when they are coming out.  Life afterwards is never the same and it is true, "it get's better", much better. Once you announce you are gay you cannot go back but hopefully you can appreciate and love as you move forward. Hopefully not having to abandon the past unless the past has abandoned you. Either way, you still have your memories and the love you experienced is still real and intact in your heart and mind.

         Like living in a closet, living in the past is not a good place to live.

As they were going along the road, someone said to him, ‘I will follow you wherever you go.’ And Jesus said to him, ‘Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.’ To another he said, ‘Follow me.’ But he said, ‘Lord, first let me go and bury my father.’ But Jesus said to him, ‘Let the dead bury their own dead; but as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.’ Another said, ‘I will follow you, Lord; but let me first say farewell to those at my home.’ Jesus said to him, ‘No one who puts a hand to the plough and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.’

Of lepers and homosexuals

Luke 5:12-26

          I do love it when people quote the bible as the literal word of God when the words themselves have been translated, mistranslated, blurred beyond recognition or simply never really appeared in scripture as we have translated them. Here we have the word "leprosy".  This brings into focus a great deal about scripture, then and now.

          The term leprosy ( then ) referred to a variety of disease states that we would not refer to a as leprosy. It is important to note that the actual disease "leprosy" was not clearly identified until recent history and the age of microbiology. The ancients were aware that real leprosy existed but it was not differentiated from other diseases.   I was happy to see that the source I predominantly use, lectionary readings of the Episcopal church, have a footnote that leprosy covered a variety of diseases. So psoriasis or a fungal infection as well as real leprosy were all included in the ancients' terms for "leprosy". In my studies I have come to know that the term leprosy even applied to animal skins (like as in a cloak) that may have had a blemish or wasn't tanned properly. It was abroad term indeed.

          What is my point?  Th term we know specifically as leprosy ( Mycobacterium leprae ), does not cover all sorts of other diseases. M. leprae is a curable, single disease and not the variety the ancients considered it as. The ancients had no scientific background or knowledge of leprosy. They had a broad definition and played it safe.

           So, what other words might we have "assumed" is an accurate reflection of what the ancients knew? We cannot simply take a word we have today and transpose the depth of knowledge to the ancients.  Case in point is the word  "homosexual". That word was not even invented until the 1800's. The notion of strictly defined sexual orientations was not even created until recent times as well,  evidence shows it was perhaps the 1900's. So when we read the word homosexuals in the Bible, what did they mean? It certainly is not what we may mean today. We cannot transpose our concept of sexual attraction, monogamous same sex relationships or even a specific kind of act onto what the ancients believed.  Ancient history shows relationships more fluid than ours. Ancient history shows a variety of same sex relationships, not all of which were bad or even an abomination. 

          What did "lying with another man" mean? There are whole books on that subject, I suggest God vs. Gay as an excellent book on the subject. A couple of important points can be gleaned however. One is that it was considered wrong to treat another grown man as they would treat a woman.  It would also be wrong religiously to have a relationship with a man because it was an imperative for the Jews to procreate. No mention that same sex relationships were bad, just that they did not promote the survival and growth Jewish people which was always being threatened. The fact that Paul railed against "homosexuality" ( again a recently invented word ) is not a sign of prohibition or wrongness of loving same sex couples.  Relationships between men were well known and practiced in Greece. The proviso was that it could not be prostitution, it could not be usery or rape. It could not involve children. All of these were considered wrong. 

       I know I am only touching the surface and I am not a true Biblical scholar. However, I am wise enough to know that words and translations are often at the root of misunderstanding scripture. Words and translations are used to promote agendas, male domination and a warped sense of sexual modesty or roles.

       Perhaps another time we can look at other words. When all else fails or the meaning of scripture seems in doubt or confuses you, you can either place that passage aside until a later time, do some serious research and lastly, know that scripture is at it's heart all about love. Love rules and is the final arbiter of scripture.

      At another time perhaps,  what does 'abomination' mean??

12 Once, when he was in one of the cities, there was a man covered with leprosy.^* When he saw Jesus, he bowed with his face to the ground and begged him, ‘Lord, if you choose, you can make me clean.’ ¹³Then Jesus^* stretched out his hand, touched him, and said, ‘I do choose. Be made clean.’ Immediately the leprosy^* left him. ¹⁴And he ordered him to tell no one. ‘Go’, he said, ‘and show yourself to the priest, and, as Moses commanded, make an offering for your cleansing, for a testimony to them.’ ¹⁵But now more than ever the word about Jesus^* spread abroad; many crowds would gather to hear him and to be cured of their diseases. ¹⁶But he would withdraw to deserted places and pray.

17 One day, while he was teaching, Pharisees and teachers of the law were sitting nearby (they had come from every village of Galilee and Judea and from Jerusalem); and the power of the Lord was with him to heal.^{* 18}Just then some men came, carrying a paralysed man on a bed. They were trying to bring him in and lay him before Jesus;^{* 19}but finding no way to bring him in because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and let him down with his bed through the tiles into the middle of the crowd^* in front of Jesus. ²⁰When he saw their faith, he said, ‘Friend,^* your sins are forgiven you.’ ²¹Then the scribes and the Pharisees began to question, ‘Who is this who is speaking blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God alone?’ ²²When Jesus perceived their questionings, he answered them, ‘Why do you raise such questions in your hearts? ²³Which is easier, to say, “Your sins are forgiven you”, or to say, “Stand up and walk”? ²⁴But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins’—he said to the one who was paralysed—‘I say to you, stand up and take your bed and go to your home.’ ²⁵Immediately he stood up before them, took what he had been lying on, and went to his home, glorifying God. ²⁶Amazement seized all of them, and they glorified God and were filled with awe, saying, ‘We have seen strange things today.’

Who will God send?

Luke 5:1-11

            After so many years I still get a kick out of this passage. The professional fisherman who has been at it all night trying to catch fish without any luck, and along comes a carpenter of all people (Jesus) who says, 'try one more time'. That might seem the definition of chutzpah, a carpenter telling a fisherman what to do.  Of course the catch was enormous.  The easy read here is never to assume your answers to problems and prayers will come from a source you expect. I think I've written about that before. It's a good point if I do say so.

           Sometimes we try our hardest to accomplish what we need to do.  I think God wants us to do so and also pray for the things we cannot change. Most often we do look for the obvious answers in the expected places.  Sometimes though, in letting go we can find miraculous answers in unseen places, places and people we never knew existed.

          Sometimes our solutions are out of our hands and we should welcome help from God. But who will God send?

Once while Jesus was standing beside the lake of Gennesaret, and the crowd was pressing in on him to hear the word of God, he saw two boats there at the shore of the lake; the fishermen had gone out of them and were washing their nets. He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little way from the shore. Then he sat down and taught the crowds from the boat. When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, ‘Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch.’ Simon answered, ‘Master, we have worked all night long but have caught nothing. Yet if you say so, I will let down the nets.’ When they had done this, they caught so many fish that their nets were beginning to break. So they signalled to their partners in the other boat to come and help them. And they came and filled both boats, so that they began to sink. But when Simon Peter saw it, he fell down at Jesus’ knees, saying, ‘Go away from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!’ For he and all who were with him were amazed at the catch of fish that they had taken; and so also were James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were partners with Simon. Then Jesus said to Simon, ‘Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching people.’ When they had brought their boats to shore, they left everything and followed him.

Fire fighters

James 3:1-13

          Yesterday I went to the 9/11 Memorial in New York City. I had wanted to go for a very long time. I knew I should go and avoided going for a long time. I recall my reaction to the evils seen while walking through the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC not so many years ago. I was overwhelmed and had to leave. So it took some internal strength to face what I thought would be yet another agony of humanity, a testament to how evil we can be to each other.  But go I did.  I thoughtfully and prayerfully walked , soaked in and let the story of our real life tragedy unfold in the storyboards and presentations. The atmosphere is sobering. strong. potent.  It wasn't until I looked at all the faces of those who died and sought out the three faces of those who I know had affected my life so personally that I did in fact begin to break down. Tears streaming from my face, breathing laboured by the immensity of the emotion, I tried to embrace it, experience the reality and totality of what had happened and why. Afterwards I sat by the pools and prayed.  The words that came to me are written at the end of this scriptural reflection.

           And yes, this is a scriptural reflection. In the midst of today's passage about teaching and gifts and responsibilities, there is an omen to what occurs when we fail to teach, when we fail to love. The resulting actions are like a small fire that can set a whole forest ablaze.  We often are complacent about the importance of education, learning and loving.  Hate (a word I dislike intensely) is something that acts like a small fire, it enables evil, it promotes mob mentalities and is the catalyst for so much evil in the world. Whether it is hate that sparked two gay men to be savagely beaten in Philadelphia, the evil visited on Matthew Shepherd, the crusades, the inquisition, the Nazis, Al Qaeda or any range or degree of evil, we must educate, love and 'fight' back.

          The song by Billy Joel says "we didn't start the fire" but that seems dismissive and fails to embrace brotherly responsibility and our duty and calling to love. Even if we did not start a fire, unchecked it will come blazing to our doors. Ask anyone in the path of the many western fires that are fought.  Ask, if you could, any of the victims of 9/11. We should all fight the fire.

          After visiting the 9/11 museum and upon reflection these words came to me so I put them to paper.              

                          How beautiful is the human heart that loves and embraces love.

                          How ugly and disfigured is the heart and soul of those that embrace hate

                            and justify themselves by any religion.

                          Hate is not of God.

                          Love is the essence and purity of God.

Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers and sisters, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness. For all of us make many mistakes. Anyone who makes no mistakes in speaking is perfect, able to keep the whole body in check with a bridle. If we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we guide their whole bodies. Or look at ships: though they are so large that it takes strong winds to drive them, yet they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits.

How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! And the tongue is a fire. The tongue is placed among our members as a world of iniquity; it stains the whole body, sets on fire the cycle of nature, and is itself set on fire by hell. For every species of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no one can tame the tongue—a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse those who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and brackish water? Can a fig tree, my brothers and sisters, yield olives, or a grapevine figs? No more can salt water yield fresh.

Who is wise and understanding among you? Show by your good life that your works are done with gentleness born of wisdom.

Worse than me?

Matthew 9:35-38

          I recall some former in-laws discussing on several occasions the good old days when they had gone out drinking and gotten wasted. Then they'd laugh because they had driven home and could not remember driving or how they made it home safe. I think they all had, unless there are some untold stories to be told. In any event they seemed to be fine and made light of the matter. There are others who have done the very same thing and they wound up killing an innocent person or an entire family.  They wind up with a tortured memory and perhaps some serious jail time.  Is the person who escaped and got home safely while driving drunk any better than the person who made the same poor decision but paid the enormous price of death and guilt? It's a mystery I have pondered my entire life. It goes along with how two seemingly similar people with similar backgrounds and experiences can wind up going in two totally different directions. Again, mystery.

            It is the height of arrogance to think we get what we deserve or are better than others because we are not so afflicted as someone else. We have all made poor decisions, made sometimes horrible mistakes, placed ourselves or others at risk.   Do we pay with our lives? A straight guy who cruises the local watering hole for a one night stand and winds up getting AIDs, is that fair?  How many people have done that and escaped with nothing but a hangover or a less lethal social disease.  Is the person who escaped better than the person who was not so lucky?

            We like to forget our mistakes, miscalculations and the episodes where we were very lucky to escape unharmed. When we forget or place it out of our minds I think many people also like to think they are in some way better than the unlucky ones.  

            Where is the empathy? Where is the compassion? We love to see people get their comeuppance but truth be told, if we each got what was coming to us we'd all be in really, really bad shape.  We seem to think whatever 'our sin' was,  it is less serious that what someone else did. 

            God loves us all and considers us all to be brothers and sisters. How can we treat our brothers and sisters less than we would like to be loved ourselves? In fact God loves "them" at least as much as God loves you, warts and all. 

           What are the illnesses, mistakes and sins that we look down on others for?  We are all sinners. We are also all equally loved by God. I just think I needed to remind myself of that and thought maybe some other people might need to be reminded of it also.

          Just remember how loved we all are. Smile and love.

    

Then Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and curing every disease and every sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful, but the labourers are few; therefore ask the Lord of the harvest to send out labourers into his harvest.’

Smelly stinky

John 13:12-17

         So, what do you think is the worst part of your body? It is a bit amusing that what you might consider the worst, smelly, dirty part, is a focal point or a fetish of another. I'm not talking gay community here, no one is immune.  Food fetishes were around as long as, say, the oldest profession. 

         Foot fetishes aside, I don't think there is anyone who deems feet the cleanest most desirable part of the body. Stinky, smelly, subject to fungus and horrible abuses all the time. From the locker room to high heals, feet take a beating. It was also so back in the day, you now, in Jesus' time. 

         There were no Merrell hiking shoes, hiking boots, exotic sneakers or Doc Martens. Sandals were the order of the day and the roads were dusty, dirty and smelly.  You can see why it was a custom to wash your feet, perhaps even more than your hands, when arriving at your destination.

         As feet were so dirty you can imagine there was no greater submission of service than to wash the feet of someone else. This might be especially true for a man in a male dominated society. Yet in today's passage Jesus does just that. It is memorialized every Holy Thursday in many a Christian congregation. Usually the volunteers to have their feet washed are scant because we have this very low opinion of feet. But Jesus did it as a sign of service and subservience.  The new Pope of the Roman church broke  shattered tradition when he washed the feet of the unworthy and non-traditional choices. What hope! What service!

          I started this by asking what is the worst part of the body?  Can we conceive of taking care of someone else in such a way that we might have to, or offer to serve them, by taking care of 'that part'?  If you were called to, would you change your parents' diapers if they were old and so in need?  We like to think of service and even putting ourselves second or last as a nice thing to do. We seldom think we may be called upon to do something that seems  really subservient, maybe even something that seems demeaning. Yet, we elevate Mother Theresa for doing all that and more.

           Jesus took on all the social and cultural mores by lowering himself to wash the feet of his disciples, his friends. How can we offer to serve? Can we lower ourselves to elevate someone else? Just some thoughts about stinky, smelly body parts. 

After he had washed their feet, had put on his robe, and had returned to the table, he said to them, ‘Do you know what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord—and you are right, for that is what I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you. Very truly, I tell you, servants are not greater than their master, nor are messengers greater than the one who sent them. If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them.

Dimmed bulbs

Luke 8:16-21

          In the discussion with my 87 years old  friend the other day, we actually discussed the self loathing and hiding people do to be part of an organized religion. Rather than be who they are and be proud of who they are, they hide who they are, how they feel. They subvert their opinions and feelings, even beliefs. In other words, they hide their light under a bushel basket of secrecy ( my words and the words of scripture, not his ).

          I note how easy it is to hide your light in the Catholic church. Whether you are a Priest who is gay, a parishioner who practices birth control or who is divorced or remarried, there is no one checking at the door for doctrinal purity. I think it's safe to say the church is largely full of silent dissenters, clergy included.  The only exception are those that are openly gay and not willing to suppress their affection. I'm not talking necking in the pews but simple holding hands or a hug. These things seem to offend doctrinal sensibilities as if they were acts of violence against God instead of signs of legitimate human affection and love.

         
       The act of  hiding who we are no matter what our differences are is depriving the church of the richness of God's creation. The richness of life and love, failure to love and honest human mistakes  ( like a bad marriage ) cannot help the church because it is all hidden, subverted and denied.

        There is something inherently wrong with hiding who you are. If you  are gay, you should make every effort to let your light shine. Hiding who you are is harmful and frankly exactly what this passage is arguing against. Let your light shine. Pride in who you are makes God smile.

No one after lighting a lamp hides it under a jar, or puts it under a bed, but puts it on a lampstand, so that those who enter may see the light. For nothing is hidden that will not be disclosed, nor is anything secret that will not become known and come to light. Then pay attention to how you listen; for to those who have, more will be given; and from those who do not have, even what they seem to have will be taken away.’

Then his mother and his brothers came to him, but they could not reach him because of the crowd. And he was told, ‘Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, wanting to see you.’ But he said to them, ‘My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God